


Take Some Paracetamol, Tobio

by keith_kisses



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt and comfort, M/M, tobio struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-03-22 05:01:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3716080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keith_kisses/pseuds/keith_kisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama Tobio has a new problem. He doesn't know it yet, but the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and his uncharacteristic behaviours are a sign of something more than he thinks. </p><p>Hinata Shouyou is oblivious, accidentally making his teammate's problem bigger everyday. All he sees is a very odd Kageyama with what looks to be crippling stomach pains... (he should probably take something for that).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Together

**Author's Note:**

> Some swearing, but nothing too frequent or extreme.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...We're definitely good together! I think that, if you're with me, we can beat any opponent... well, as long as they're human.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I don't really know you  
> And I don't think I want to  
> But I think I can fake it if you can
> 
> And let's agree there's no need  
> No more talk of money  
> Let's just keep pretending to be friends

“Understand?”

“Yep! I've got this, no worries,” Hinata beams at the blank-faced setter. “What's wrong with you? You look depressed again. Don't be: we're winning.” He gestures over to the scoreboard which reads a proud 12 – 09, and then focuses his attention back on the intimidating figure in front of him.  
  
“I'm not depressed,” is the only answer the blocker receives.

“Y-” He's interrupted by a whistle, and sighs lightly before daring to clap the setter on the shoulder. His touch stings Tobio's skin a little, but the taller of the two doesn't mind it too much. He watches Hinata roll his shoulders and rock a little on his heels in preparation, loosening his muscles after the time-out. A small bead of sweat rolls past his pumpkin-coloured eyes, and Tobio risks a small stare – about two seconds – before shrugging off the fuzz in his shoulder and stalking to the net.

* * *

 

“Dumbass Hinata,” Tobio mumbles to himself, trying to block out the bumbling, over-excited shorty sitting next to him and singing way too loudly about their win. He looks over at the rest of the team. Some are laughing, clapping as Hinata sings. Others are – miraculously – asleep, and a few are just listening to their headphones like him, trying to disappear from this chaotic environment and failing. Tobio pulls his hood up to obstruct the bright orange of Hinata's hair from penetrating his vision at least, and positions himself so that he's looking out of the window.

“-and then Tanaka-Senpai did that really cool thing like BAM and GWAH and -” Hinata chants, laughing a little in between lines. Tobio's stomach does that uncomfortable turning thing again, but he ignores it violently, clenching his firsts inside his pockets as he waits for it to pass. “-it was because of Nishinoya-Senpai that we sa-”

He wants to shout at the now bouncing Hinata (where does the energy even come from?), but finds that he can't really open his mouth. All sound is clogged in his throat.

“-ctory! Victory! Victory! Vi-

Great, now Tanaka's singing too.

When the minibus finally pulls up into the school car park it's a comfortable navy blue outside. The trees are only visible because of their silhouettes, but Tobio watches them sway anyway.

The team files out and Hinata jumps onto Nishinoya's back (after Noya's encouragement), now choosing to just gush about their win instead of sing, which Tobio is incredibly grateful for. He stands off to the side as the coach says it's too late for a meeting, realistically, so they'll reconvene the following morning to chat about how they played and where they're going from there.

“I will say though,” he rounds up, “that your excitement, Hinata, is well placed. We have a strong team, here. Train hard and we'll win next time too.”

“Right,” the team responds in unison. Tobio watches Noya fidget a bit from having to stand still so long with Hinata on his back and snorts a little in amusement. When they're dismissed Hinata slides off of Nishinoya ungracefully, much to the libero's apparent approval. 

“See you tomorrow!” everyone shouts at each other. The third years set off for home together, congratulating their underclass-men a final time before leaving. It isn't long before the rest of the team has scattered, leaving just the human ball of energy and Tobio behind.

“Ready to go?” he asks. He gets a sharp nod in response, so turns swiftly of his heel and begins to walk. It had become an unwritten rule that after a match, or a practice, or even if the pair see each other after school that they walk to their respective homes together. Tobio minded at first. A lot. Hinta bothered him with his permanent chatter, but eventually he began to enjoy their races more than he should, and hearing the shorter's anecdotes made him smirk a little too much.

“We played so well today! Did you see me? I was like BAM and SWOOSH! Although I do feel bad about that blocker. I didn't mean to, y'know? The ball just kind of had a mind of its own when it hit him.”  
  
“Shut up, idiot. I know you're tired.”

Hinata's eyebrows wrinkle a little before a grin lights up his face, shrinking into a sheepish smile quickly. “Am I really that easy to read?”

“No,” Tobio replies, honestly. It had taken him a while to see through the other's over-the-top personality, but when you spend so much time with someone, you notice the little things more. And the big things. Like Hinata's massive yawn.

“Okay, so maybe I am a bit,” he admits. “Want to carry me?

“No.” There's silence as they walk until - “It wasn't your fault about his nose. He got too close to the net, anyway, it couldn't be helped.”

“Hm still. It must've hurt.”

“No doubt. One of our freaks can probably fell a tree.

Hinata giggles a little at that, and Tobio finds himself imagining an old oak tree with a volleyball shirt on blocking one of their quicks. He snorts at the image.

“I wouldn't go that far, but you're right! We're definitely good together! I think that, if you're with me, we can beat any opponent... well, as long as they're human.” Tobio hums a little in response.

They walk out of step with one another, but side-by-side all the same. Tobio's strides are a lot longer than his neighbour's, and sometimes he has to force himself to slow down so that they can walk at relative ease. He's walking so slowly now that he might as well stop walking all together, and he briefly considers taking up Hinata's request of carrying him just to speed up the journey. 

As they reach the point where their paths finally differ, Tobio stops and does a quick assessment of his partner. Hinata looks back at him, and adjusts his bag.  
  
“Something wrong?”

“How far do you live from here?”

“Um about fifteen minutes but I-”

“I'll walk with you.”

There's a moment of silence where Tobio watches Hinata stumble on his own thoughts. His eyes are a little blurred from confusion, and his eyebrows are knotted. It's undeniably adorable, but he shrugs that thought off hastily and continues staring with a blank expression. When Hinata finally seems to understand what Tobio's just said, he agrees and nods profusely.  
  
“Okay. Well, it's this way,” he points ahead of him, “then round and left. It's not too far.” Hinata ends with another yawn, slightly smaller than the one from earlier. Tobio gestures for him to lead the way.  
  
The whole area is completely new to him as they walk. It's a nice place, surrounded by overhanging trees along the side of the road. After about ten minutes, the road turns into a strange sort of dirt track, and the street lights disappear. Hinata rummages around and pulls his phone out, turning on the torch. Unwelcome thoughts swirl around Tobio's head. _What happens if he forgets his phone?_ He finds himself thinking. _Does he have to walk in the dark? Alone?_

“And here we go. Welcome to my humble abode,” Hinata introduces, waving his arms at a fairly sweet house which is illuminated outside by a string of fairy lights. Tobio eyes them suspiciously. “Are you coming in?”

Good question. Is he coming in? He probably should. Practically speaking, it's gotten very dark very quickly, and he still has to trudge back home which is almost half an hour away from here. Emotionally speaking, he considers Hinata to be the closest thing to a friend he has and trusts him not to try and stab him to death in the night. But, somehow these reasons still don't seem to be enough. As Tobio stands, trying to make a decision, his stomach's doing somersaults at one hundred miles per hour, so much so he seriously thinks he might be about to throw up.  
  
“No, I should get back,” he manages. “It's late.”

“Do you have a torch, or a phone? It's kinda really dark now,” Hinata questions. His right hand is cupping his chin in thought, covering his top lip with his index finger. Tobio finds it amusing. Then he remembers he was asked a question.  
  
“No b-”

“Take mine!”

“Don't interrupt me, dumbass!” Tobio retaliates.

“Sorry!”

Tobio thinks about the offer for a second. Then he holds out an upturned palm for the rectangle. When it makes contact with his hand, he shouldn't be surprised when he feels fur instead of the expected hard plastic, or when he realises that there is some sort of charm hanging from it, but he is all the same.

He decides not to question it.  
  
“Thanks,” he whispers, as if whispering is easier to say. Hinata grins and turns to go inside.  
  
“See you tomorrow!” he calls as the door closes. Tobio grunts and spins one hundred and eighty degrees to start heading back the way he'd come.

Why had he felt the need to walk Hinata back anyway? Was it because it was too dark? He'd never done it before, why tonight? Tobio stops walking to look back at the quaint house surrounded by trees and fairy lights, shrugs gently, and then turns to walk home.

_Dumbass Hinata, what are you doing to my head?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was exhausting. In terms of fanfiction, I am in no sense a novice. I have written over thirty individual pieces over my time of internet-ing, but never a Haikyuu!! one before, so I'm super excited. I basically binge watched the whole series through a sleepless night and it's now one of my favourite sports animes out there. I understand I'm a little late to jump on the KageHina bandwagon, but my regrets still tot up to zero so I don't mind too much. 
> 
> In my family, it's pretty much Paracetamol-central if anyone complains of an upset stomach. We have Milk of Magnesium for the more seriou stuff, but it's something akin to a last resort. 
> 
> Because this chapter is from Kageyama's point of view, I referred to him as Tobio because I think it makes it more personal, in a way. If I decide to write as Hinata, it'll be the same for him in the way that he will be Shouyou. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this taster. I understand it's a little blank in terms of 'action' but I need to set the scene a little before delving in. I'll be adding to the tags as I post so you don't get any major spoilers, but I don't think it'd be too shocking anyway. See you next chapter for hugs! (>*o*)>
> 
> Song is Carried Away by Passion Pit.   
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiEwJTOderQ   
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/carried-away-single/id594704866


	2. Everyone Loves Hinata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I never pegged you to be someone who's scared of spiders. You're always so scary yourself, I just never thought about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The walls so high and you won't feel.  
> The moon is always spying on your fears.  
> I make it to the golden gate and fail.  
> So then you throw your fantasy away to fade.
> 
> Oh and I take,  
> take it in vain.  
> So I fake,  
> fake it again.

A furry orange rectangle stares at Tobio innocently. He hates it with a passion. Tobio's somewhat duty-felt perusing means he's fairly familiar with the object itself, but he doesn't feel guilty about it. He'd skipped a day of school after remembering that his class were going on a trip which he had no interest in, and had decided to spend his self-permitted holiday scanning Hinata's phone with mild interest. Well, there's a hell of a lot of cats on that phone and Tobio learnt that the hard way. He did, however, manage to gain Hinata's phone number - just in case! - and shed a smirk at a few of his dorky selfies.

The mass of synthetic fibres extend so far from the phone itself that Tobio's slender fingers become lost in them whenever he holds it. The charm's a tiny penguin, made of some sort of polymer clay. It's kind of cute, he guesses. There's something about the whole phone, though. Something which sends a message of more than just 'this is a phone'. It's almost as if Hinata's there in the room, and Tobio wouldn't have to think twice about pairing this peculiar item with such a peculiar guy. 

He doesn't realise he's holding it again until it vibrates to signify it ringing. Tobio almost drops it out of shock, but decides against it.

"Kageyama? I didn't see you at school today, so I just thought I'd let you know that coach says we should come in for extra practice this weekend to uh practice. Are you there? Ka-" It's Hinata. Of course it's that idiot. In all honesty, Tobio hadn't expected anyone to really notice his absence that day. He isn't too charismatic or memorable, after all, is he?

"What?" Tobio presses the receive button.

"Oh, hi! Yeah so, did you hear what I said?"

"No," the setter lies, not really knowing why. He had heard the babbling boy's message, of course, but something inside him wanted to hear it again. Something wanted Hinata to repeat it, and expand upon it and just talk, talk,  _talk. (_ When did he decide listening to his ramblings was a good thing?)  
  
"Okay well first of all, where were you all day? I thought you were coming to the debrief bu-"  
  
"Shut up, dumbass. Are you trying to say I have to explain myself to you?"

"Not at all! No! Um, fine. Well, uh... do you just want to... I don't know, go for a walk or something? It's quicker, and you can like... give me my phone back and stuff. Only if you want to!"    
  
Tobio smiles a little at the nervous stuttering on the end of the line, but it goes as quickly as it appears. What is Hinata suggesting? A walk? Why would he want to go for a walk?  
  
Intrigued, Tobio says a simple, "Fine. Meet you at the bus stop in five."  
  
"Okay!"

Tobio taps the little red phone icon on the screen and slips the fuzzy thing into his pocket. It reminds him a bit of the idiot's hair, and it suits him, he guesses, as much as a phone-case can suit a person. He opens a window and places an upturned palm outside to check the temperature. It's far too cold for autumn, but then he supposes it's only that season because of calendar dates. So, the setter opts for wearing his single blue tartan coat and steps out into the fast disappearing sunset. 

His shoes pad along the pavement as he walks, tiny muffled taps becoming the only sound. He lets out a soft sigh. It's a nice evening - aside from the extremely unreasonable cold - with a gentle, tickling breeze. There's no-one around and no cars, so Tobio takes to the narrow road. It's only seven, but the world seems as dead as it did the previous evening when he was walking home at around eleven. 

As he approaches the bus stop, he sees Hinata already standing there. He'd decided to not wear a coat and Tobio could see him shivering gently from where he stands.  

"No coat?" is the first thing he decides to say, already offering the phone to the shorter. Hinata's wearing some sort of cardigan which Tobio's never seen before and a shirt which reads something he doesn't care to read. Fortunately, the idiot had decided trousers were a better idea than shorts this time. 

"Ah, no. Regretting it though," Hinata reveals. He takes his phone and glances at it for a moment, checking the charge. He raises an eyebrow. "Have you been on here?"

"Yes, didn't you expect me to? Dumb selfies, by the way." Tobio gestures to the left. "Shall we go?"

"Mhm." They begin to walk, almost side by side with only about four inches between them. "I wanted to tell you that coach thinks you and I should come in at the weekend to practice for nest week's Tuesday match. He says he'll let me use the spare key if we accept. So are you doing anything? I think we could improve on our signals because last time their coach totally saw through our hand signals. I was thinking maybe a shrug or a cough or something. Always good to have a plan C, hm? Oh and also you missed Hamasaki from History asking out Tsukishima! He was awful about it when he rejected her. All sarcastic. To be honest I don't see what she sees in him - he's nothing like her except for the fact they both wear glasses."  
  
"He'd let you use the key? Bad idea. Coach must be going insane," Tobio comments. When Hinata doesn't respond aside from making a face, he carries on. "Hamasaki? Is she the one with green hair?"  
  
"Yeah, she's in my English class too, but you don't study English so you wouldn't know. Why did you drop it?"  
  
"Russian."

"You study Russian? That's really cool, Kageyama. Say something, say something." The pair turn the corner towards the town almost subconsciously and the bright lights of stalls, shops and vending machines pierce their view. Tobio finds himself patting his coat pocket to check for change as his mouth dries slightly with the realisation of his lack of supper.   
  
"Like what?"

"I don't know um... say, 'Hinata is the greatest ever and everyone loves him'," Hinata decides. Tobio watches him shiver slightly again and almost offers him his own coat, but then remembers that he'd look like a fool.   
  
"'Hinata - лучший и все любят его' or something. It's something like that," Tobio says. He's understated the 'greatest ever' deliberately to just plain 'best,' but his Russian is rusty, so he's not too confident in his translation.  
  
"Sounds pretty Russian. I wish I could speak it, but the most exotic language I understand is French, and that's because of my mum." 

"Your mother's French?"

"No," Hinata laughs. "She just wants me to speak it." Tobio's stomach gurgles a little. "Do your parents pressure you to do much? Mine are always on my back."  
  
"Yes, but they live away in Tokyo."  _Why am I telling him this why am I telling him this why am I telling him this?_ "Because of work. I see them about twice a year."

"My mum works in Tokyo too! My grandparents live nearby to us, though, which is why Mum trusts me to look after Natsu, I suppose - because if anything goes wrong they're right there, just a two minute walk away. My dad, though, he lives in England. They parents split when I was really little, and Natsu was only a few days old. We don't ever see him." 

Tobio nods slowly, trying to take everything in. The most important thing is that Hinata trusts him with this. Hinata  _trusts him with this._ Him. Kageyama Tobio. Biggest asshole this side of Japan. He hides his smile in his coat collar.

"Let's get something to eat." Hinata beams at him, then frowns.   
  
"I didn't bring any money," he enlightens.   
  
"Fine. I'll pay for you."

And he does. The pair sits and eats some ramen at a yatai with a man who accidentally falls asleep after about ten minutes of them being there, and they chat (well, Hinata gushes) about the school day and the match coming up next Tuesday. When they finish, Tobio sees it's eight and asks about Natsu and if Hinata has to hurry back, to which he shakes his head ("She's with a friend tonight.") and so Tobio suggests they take the long route back to their homes via the beach. The orange-haired boy agrees vigorously, so Tobio grabs a can from a vending machine and the duo head off. 

The soft breeze nips at their faces as they walk, the sea sloshing nearby.   
  
"The last time I was here, Natsu and I built this massive sand-castle, but I broke it because this crab-type-thing scared me and I ended up falling back onto it. I hate those things."

"Spiders are worse." Hinata laughs. 

"I never pegged you to be someone who's scared of spiders. You're always so scary yourself, I just never thought about it." Tobio controls his blush and stomach flip with sheer will-power. "But I suppose everyone, even you, has one. I think mine isn't anything physical. I just... well I suppose I... I don't know how to describe it..."  
  
"C'mon, dumbass, get to it," Tobio reprimands, gently.  
  
"I think that I'm scared of the future, I guess. That's the best way to describe it. There's a lot that's so imposing about the world like thieves and murderers and... I'm not sure but the whole idea of getting a job and moving away is kinda scary."

The lapping waves ebb and flow as they walk, feet leaving footsteps in the sand. Tobio takes a brief moment to wonder how the hell he ended up spending two nights with the short middle blocker, but he sure as hell isn't complaining. He's seeing something different tonight. There's something about the whole atmosphere and conversation. Something which sends a message of more than just 'I'm a bumbling idiot who's totally unaware of anything that's going on in the world which isn't related to volleyball'. The setter wasn't sure what to think. Just like Hinata hadn't ever though of him having fears, he'd never thought of Hinata having opinions or deep thoughts. He's so carefree.  
  
"You don't have to go anywhere. You can stay here and just, I don't know, become a volleyball coach. You don't have to be like your parents, and you definitely don't have to challenge murderers and thieves if you don't want to," Tobio blurts out. There's a moment of silence as Tobio tries to come to terms with what he's just said. As he looks over, Hinata seems to be doing the same. His face looks like the inside of a clock: churning and turning as it thinks over what it's just encountered. The taller is about to say something further when he's beaten to it.   
  
"You think I could be a volleyball coach?"   
  
Okay, that isn't what Tobio was expecting.   
  
"Sure," he agrees, nonchalently, with a shrug. 

What happens next sends Tobio's stomach turning faster than waltzers. Hinata hugs him. His hands shake and his heart beats at a million miles per hour as that characteristic orange mop tickles at his chin. Awkwardly, his arms wrapped around the smaller in a way not dissimilar to that of an automaton's. Before he knew it, though, his chest was cold once more but his bodily functions still refuse to calm down. Hinata beams at him.

(Maybe that's why.)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 - complete! Um, so a little confession is that I haven't edited it yet. Sorry! I'm really desperate to get this up before school tomorrow, but I will edit it so all the tenses are perfect etc at some point during the week when I have some spare time. Unfortunately this weekend has been so chaotic in terms of like everything. Um, I should also probably apologise for this chapter's similarity to the previous - I promise there won't be a night based chapter for a while! But this chapter is so important in terms of Tobio finally seeing Hinata as something more than the crazy kid he is, and I really thought this was one of the best ways to do it. I've always seen him as such an interesting character. 
> 
> If you're interested, this is how I imagine Hinata's phone charm looking: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/116093558/penguin-animal-charm-kawaii-polymer-clay?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_accessories-low&gclid=COa9rc7WgsUCFWvKtAodyA8Axg
> 
> I like to imagine Shouyou and Tobio studying a rare few subjects together, but overall they're such different people that there wouldn't be that many. Hinata would take Art and Design Technology, but Tobio would take Geography and Food Technology etc. I honestly don't think their interests match too much, which is what makes them so amazing overall as a pair. 
> 
> Back-stories for everyone! I just think the family dynamics work really well like this.
> 
> Kageyama totally pays for all the food. 
> 
> Kageyama is totally afraid of spiders.
> 
> Kageyama is totally in love with hugs. 
> 
> Kageyama totally believes in Hinata. 
> 
> Thanks for being here once more, guys! I'm a bit of a novice towards AO3, so it's great to have such a positive response towards my Haikyuu!! debut. See you next chapter for Tanaka! (>*0*)>
> 
> Song is Fantasy by Dye.  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QFwo57WKwg  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/dye/id302363503


	3. A Little 'Not Gossip'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light from the early morning shines around him brightly, like an all-encompassing shower of pure white. He can't really see him, but Tobio can make out the bright orange nest of hair and over-sized backpack and muscled legs and sports uniform and smile smile smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be to blame for playing this game,  
> And learning that true love exists.

Tobio wakes up the next morning feeling that feeling buzzing in the bottom of his stomach. From experience, it's going to last a few hours, so he ignores it, rolls out of bed ungraciously and proceeds to switch his attire and grab his bag. He's going to school today – he can't stay away forever and he knows it. On his way through the kitchen Tobio takes an apple and eats it as he leaves for practice.

The whole of last night feels like a hazy memory, like one you have from when you were five that you can only really remember when someone shows you a picture. Of all the days to stay up, of all the people to stay up with, of all the reasons to stay up at all, it had to be goofing around with Hinata Shouyou until one o'clock in the morning the day before extra long morning practice. But Tobio doesn't think he minds too much. The sea air has probably done his stomach some kind of good, although from the looks of it nautical walks aren't immediate remedies.

When he gets to practice, the gym's open but there's only a few people there: Tanaka, Nishinoya and Samawura. Tobio shrugs off everyone else's lateness - because he isn't that early - and heads towards the stores cupboard. He emerges with his trainers a few moments later and sits on a nearby bench to tie them up. (He'd decided to leave his trainers in the gym because they were just an unnecessary weight to carry around with him. Why lug about a pair of shoes when you only use them in the same place at the same times anyway?) Tanaka throws a ball at his head, and he hears it coming through the air and stands to return it before it hits. His return is perfect so the second-year catches the ball easily.

“Woah, Kageyama, your reflexes are good in the morning,” Nishinoya comments. Tobio grunts. But my people-skills aren't.

“They're good all the time,” he replies, not lying.

“Oi, that's not how you talk to your superiors!” Tanaka reprimands. “You should say, 'Thank you, Nishinoya-Senpai, yours are good too!' or, 'Not as good as yours, Nishinoya-Senpai, but I'm working on it!'”

“Hmm,” Tobio hums, noncommittally. Tanaka's eye twitches a little, and there's a moment of silence until:

“What's wrong with you, you-”

“Sorry I'm late! I overslept! Sorry sorry sorry sorry!”

“It's all right, Hinata, you're here now which is all that matters,” Daichi replies. Tobio glances past the leering shadow of Tanaka to see most of the team gathered in the centre of the hall, changed and ready to practice (when did they get there?) and Hinata in the doorway. Light from the early morning shines around him brightly, like an all-encompassing shower of pure white. He can't really see him, but Tobio can make out the bright orange nest of hair and oversized backpack and muscled legs and sports uniform and smile smile smile.

“Okay!” He walks out of Tobio's view (behind Tanka's back) so the setter focuses his attention back onto the guy in front of him, who suddenly looks less like he wants to slap him, and more like he wants to talk about which shade of nail polish will look best for his newest dress. There's a smirk on his face which Tobio knows all too well, and it's making him slightly scared. Tobio raises an eyebrow.

“You stared.”

“What?”

“Stared. At Hinata. You.”

Tobio scrunches up his nose. Stared? Hinata? What? God, it's too early for this.

“Stared?”

Tanaka opens his mouth to reply, a smile playing on his lips, but a shout from behind interrupts him.

“Oi, you two, come and practice!” Tobio sighs a little and heads off towards the others, not noticing his skipping superior.

The team splits into two smaller teams (sacrificing a libero here and a blocker there) and set up either side of the net, playing a few games to practice their specific skills. Tobio finds himself on a different team to Hinata, in fact, they're exact mirror images of each other across the net – position wise.

“Kageyama,” Hinata murmers before the whistle blows, eyes narrow and voice low, “how much sleep did you get last night? I got four hours.” He shoots a grin through the net a laughs a little.

“Six. You shouldn't get up so early, idiot.”

“I have a lot to do in the mornings. I-”

The whistle interrupts them as the game begins.

* * *

The harsh ticking of the clock in the Geography room is the only sound as Tobio and his classmates suffer through an unexpected test. He's been finished for ten minutes now – well, as finished as he can be when he's left six answers blank out of thirty, but they're hard questions! - and is just starting to consider jumping out of the window, just for a change of scenery.

Suddenly there's a harsh knocking at the door, and Tobio looks up to see the sickening sight of Tanaka... again. That's the second time he's found Tobio since practice that morning, the first time being in the hallway at lesson change. That time, the younger had managed to get away quickly declaring he needed to get to English, but this time there is no escaping him.

The presence of Tanaka is unavoidable. Unfortunately, that's a fact that Tobio has grown to accept.

“Tanaka-kun? We're in the middle of a test – what is it?” the teacher says. She's irritated, but Tanaka and her have a good relationship so she doesn't raise her voice.

“Sensei, could I borrow Kageyama Tobio, please? It's urgent, but will only take a few minutes.”

“Fine, be quick,” she sighs, gesturing Tobio out of the room. He leaves sluggishly. When the classroom door shuts behind him, Tanaka starts bouncing up and down.

“You stared at Hinata,” he says. “Kageyama, I want you to know that if you ever need to talk about it, I'm right here. Well, unless you're gonna say something stupid, in which case I don't care. Oh, and don't let it affect your play, because that'd be stupid too.”

“What are you talking about? 'It'? Tanaka, have you just taken me out of Geography to gossip like a little girl?” Tobio replies, face portraying the usual blank look, despite his stomach flipping. He bites at the inside of his cheek a little to minimize the pain, and feels it die down.

“Gossip?! It's not gossip if it's true!” The second-year replies, anger bubbling away under his skin. “I just think you need to know that I'm uh here for you? I don't know much, but I'm definitely good with girls, and Hinata's a bit like a girl so-”

“Oi!” Tobio snaps, before it's too late. Tanaka laughs and claps him on the shoulder.

“Totally in love! Don't worry – I'll keep your secret. I've got to go back to the common room, see you tomorrow.”

“I'm not in love with that dumbass!” Tobio calls after him, before sighing heavily and returning to the cavern of awkward stares and silence that is his Geography class.

He takes a seat, ignoring his classmates' looks, and gets back to his test.

But he doesn't get to it, he just sits and thinks about Tanaka's accusation. Love? What does that mean away? The way the girls talked about it in class, love is buying each other chocolates on Valentine's Day; going to the cinema and sharing the same popcorn bucket; winning each other over-sized teddies at the fairground. To the guys, love is big boobs, round asses and sassy attitudes. Tobio doesn't see Hinata like this at all. He doesn't even like the guy that much. They are sworn enemies after all. Who could be in love with their one strongest enemy?

Besides, Hinata is too excitable, too loud, too brash, too jumpy. He's either an insomniac or a narcoleptic. He's either the strongest asset in their team or the most unreliable player on the court. How could he even begin to love someone so changeable and extreme? Nope, there is nothing endearing or attractive about Hinata Shouyou.

Despite this, the image of Hinata tumbles around in Tobio's head throughout the day: in social studies when they studied body language (“Shut up, idiot. I know you're tired.” “Am I really that easy to read?”), at lunch (“Let's get something to eat.” “I didn't bring any money.” “Fine. I'll pay for you.”), in Russian (“I don't know um... say 'Hinata is the greatest ever and everyone loves him'.”) and worst of all in his free period, where everything just reminded him of his shorter volleyball partner.

In all honesty, Tobio knows that Tanaka isn't completely to blame for this. His head's a mess, but so is the rest of his body. It's probably to illness making him deluded. That's the only logical explanation for all of this... Hinata-ness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ellos. 
> 
> As it turns out, I never got round to editing that chapter. I'll go back to it eventually, but maybe not for a little while. 
> 
> Not much to say about this one really, but I'm fairly happy because we're getting somewhere with this relationship!
> 
> See you next chapter for... some somethings... I'm not really sure yet, so I guess it'll be a surprise for you and me both.
> 
> Song is Patron Saint by Regina Spektor  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn7x1KwE_Ho  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/what-we-saw-from-cheap-seats/id511506672


	4. I Don't Want You to Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But... why does my love interest have to be a girl?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now run, run away from the boys in the blue,  
> Oh, my car smells like chocolate.  
> Hey, now I think about what to do, I think about what to say, I think about how to think.  
> Pause it, play it, pause it, play it, pause it

Tobio rolls back onto his heels by the net, readying himself for the toss he's going to perform. After a fairly horrendous week full of everyone he knows being utter idiots (including his aunt, who arrived spontaneously the night before at around two in the morning, singing through the house about how much she'd missed 'her little Tobio-kun') and intensified symptoms. That's what he's referring to the stomach feelings as now - symptoms. His aunt told him that morning that it wasn't something that could be cured with medicine, to which he'd scoffed and left the room. He _has_ to be ill. There is no other explanation.   
  
He raises his arms in a fluid motion, and the ball slips from his fingers into the air in slow motion. It slips through its surroundings, and Tobio watches as Hinata speeds forward through the self-same air. The same heavy, thick atmosphere of perseverance and determination. He throws a palm to smash it down, but misses by a few significant inches. Hinata lands on the floor delicately, yet with some weight, and Tobio curses aloud.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
"Hey, that wasn't-" Hinata starts. His exclamation is so predictable.  _That wasn't my fault! Don't blame me, meany!_  
  
"No... it was my fault. I tossed it too far forward," Tobio admits. He knows this, Hinata knows this. But why? Why does he keep missing?  
  
"It's... are you... are you feeling okay?" 

"What-what are you saying?"  
  
"Are you alright? Are you sick? You look a little pale."

"I always look pale," Tobio responds. He takes a breath and stalks back over to where the ball had rolled off to. When he gets back to Hinata, he notices that the smaller boy still looks unsure, so he puts his hands on either sides of his face, puts his own face inches from Hinata's and tells him again.   
  
"I promise you I'm okay," he whispers. Then he backs away, stands ready, waits for Hinata to place himself in a suitable position to begin, and rolls on his feet. (He tries to ignore the flush on his cheeks from the contact, and he tries to ignore his pounding heart, but this time he struggles to suppress it... because... why do Hinata's eyes sparkle in the sunlight?)

* * *

After a further two hours of practice, Hinata and Tobio slump under a tree on the school field, drowning in silence, sweat and soda. It's peaceful, and it's strange to have no-one filling up the silence with idiotic speech. Well, Hinata does that enough for a thousand people. Tobio closes his eyes and tunes back into what Hinata's saying. 

"-but she turned him down. There's so much happening with relationships these days, Kageyama, and I don't know where I sit with my friends any more. Do you understand? I guess you don't. Well, there's been a massive fight between Touka and Makoto now, so I don't know what to do. I just talk to other people or get work done in the library."  
  
"I've seen you there."

"Yeah I've... I've seen you walk past." There's a brief moment of silence. Tobio let's the new information sink in for a second before his thoughts are interrupted when Hinata continues. "Even Natsu has to deal with relationship problems now. She's had a massive crush on this guy for ages, and sometimes we discuss it together. She's really shy, though, and to be honest I get really protective of her. She's too young for all of this."

"I can't imagine you being protective," Tobio confesses, entertaining images of Hinata threatening pre-schoolers in a darkened alley. He snorts a little, and Hinata pulls a face and hits him lightly from where he's laying. Then he makes a small noise in the back of his throat.    
  
"Hm, well I never act on it really, so I suppose you're right. Yeah, most of the time we just sit in the kitchen and talk about our crushes together for hours, but I've never met him. Apparently he's not so much of a looker, but he shared sweets with her on her first day of school and she hasn't been able to be quiet about it since. It's sweet, I suppose," Hinata rounds off. He lets out a heavy sigh as he finishes and sips his lemonade, which Tobio is all too conscious of. There's a heat rising to his cheeks that wasn't there a minute ago.

"You like someone?" Tobio asks, bluntly.  
  
His eyes are still closed, so he doesn't see but hears Hinata shift uncomfortably.   
  
"Yes, but I don't really want to talk about it. I'm trying a method that I read online to try and forget about them where I don't talk about them out loud.."  
  
"Why... why would you want to forget about them?" Tobio asks. His mind is awash with questions: who is this person? Does Tobio know her? How long has Hinata had this crush? Why didn't he tell him?   
  
"B-because there are lots of reasons why it wouldn't work out between us. I... I don't think I want to go through that."  
  
Tobio breathes out of his nose in one long exhale. He never even considered that Hinata's head would have this sort of stuff inside it. This sort of negativity, this sort of despair. Last week he went on a crazy escapade with this bouncy ball of energy, and he spoke about his worst fears. Today, they've been happily practising in the warm summer sun, and he speaks of unrequited love. What does all of this mean? How does he respond?  
  
"I think anyone would be happy to love you," he decides on, finally. It's a little strange to hear himself say words like this, but he finds himself truly believing it.  
  
"... You've been saying all these lovely things recently - don't think I haven't noticed... why?"

"Huh? Dumbass, don't ask stupid questions."  
  
"Well then, if it's so stupid then why don't you answer it?" Hinata snaps. Suddenly, the feeling of peace in the air is shattered and replaced with a feeling of discomfort and hostility. Tobio opens his eyes and props himself up a little. 

"Because it's the right thing to say. It's what I want to tell you."

"But you never do things for other people... you even walked me home! I don't understand! Do you-" he cuts himself short. Tobio scrunches his nose a little and shuffles closer to Hinata, lying down on the grass beside him.  
  
He mumbles, "if it makes you uncomfortable, I can try and stop... to be honest, I hadn't realised I was doing it."

"I don't want you to stop. Just don't think you have to say what you do because that's what's expected. You're so blunt with everyone else, but you treat me differently. I don't mind too much but... I just don't want you to lie to me like the rest of the world."

"Okay... okay..."

The pair don't speak for a long time, and let the breeze rustle through their hair and clothes as afternoon begins to roll into evening. After a while, Hinata positions his head on Tobio's chest and begins to snore softly. Tobio tuts and places his nimble, slender fingers in the orange mop of hair, too soft and tender to touch.

* * *

One o'clock the following morning, Tobio gives up on trying to ignore the image of Hinata's eyes from burning through his eyelids. He's been fighting it for the whole afternoon and evening, but he's failed. He's lost. Irritated, he pads down to the kitchen to grab some water, de-stress and take a quick inteval from gaming, but stumbles into his aunt. She's sitting typing vigorously on a laptop, slurping some sort of hot drink from a water bottle (a habit of hers). She doesn't notice him, so Tobio coughs. She jumps, her glasses slipping down her nose, then shoots him a smile.   
  
"Why are you so nocturnal?" he asks, sighing and heading over to grab a glass. "You visit so often, can't you change your habits while you're with me?"

"You're just annoyed because something's on your mind." She swivels the laptop round to face him, a diagram of some sorts on the screen. There was a little symbol of a laptop with 'Little Tobio-kun' written under it. There's a cross on all the other icons, but not on that one. "You've been using your laptop for hours and hours. Gaming, maybe? I thought I told you to delete that silly RPG." She tuts and turns the screen back around. 

"It's good," he defends, taking a seat opposite. She looks up from her laptop and examines him, tutting. 

Aunt Yui has always been a difficult person to deal with. Fairly nosy, with an extremely tap-and-go, spontaneous personality. But Tobio likes her. She understands him and knows him a lot better than his parents. She visits more often, and she always entertains him with light-hearted conversation. It's nice to have company every now and again.   
  
"What's wrong? Something's happened."

"No."

"Tobio-kun, you should tell me." There's a pause. "Is it a girl?"

"Not really..."

"Ah! So it  _is_ a girl. Well, what's she like? I bet she's the exact opposite of you - they say opposites attract and all. Uh, let's see um..." she taps a pen on her chin, contemplating as Tobio sips his drink, slightly amused by the conversation. "Bright personality... Probably bright features too... Colourful, I'd imagine. Oh and excitable! Just like your mother is. Oh and she simply  _has_ to love volleyball, there's only so far you can be opposites. Other than that, I'd assume you don't have many overlapping interests. Is she on your team?"   
  
"There's a separate team for girls," Tobio finds himself saying. She'd perfectly described Hinata, and she'd never met him. Perfectly, exactly, accurately described him. Was he doomed to have this orange bundle of energy thrown into his thoughts all week? Was this a punishment for some sort of wrong-doing in an earlier life? "But... why does my love interest have to be a girl?" 

There's a thick, sticky silence as Tobio tries to come to terms with what he's just said. His aunt giggles a little after a few moments and claps her hands together. "Nothing. Oh, definitely nothing at all. How rude! I'm so sorry to assume I just... well. Ah! That is simply adorable, little Tobio-kun! What's his name? Was my description accurate? C'mon, tell me and I'll buy you strawberry cheesecake for dessert tomorrow. Was I righ-"

"I don't  _have_ a love interest!" Tobio exclaims, finishing his water and scraping his stool back to leave. It's too late for this. Too late for all of this. Yui grins at him and laughs.   
  
"You do! Your face is bright red!" The boy's hands slapped onto his cheeks.  _Bright red?_ He placed his cup on the draining board and rushed upstairs, well away from his giggling aunt. He hears her snap down her laptop and follow him to her own room a few moments after, but she doesn't come in to say goodnight. Tobio lays on his bed, staring at the ceiling.   
  
So that's another person who thinks he's in love with that idiot. How many is that now? Two? Three? Four if you count Yamaguchi, who winked at him yesterday morning when he called Hinata over to them to practice.   
  
There are many reasons why Tobio can't be bothered with this, and his tummy hurts again. He leans over to his bedside cabinet and pops some paracetamol out of the small foil packaging, swallowing two down dry. Before long, his eyelids are heavy and drooping. Just before he falls asleep, the image of a laughing Hinata floods his mind.

 _Great,_ he thinks,  _he's still in my head._ _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 is here, guys. I understand that the interval between 3 and 4 was very large, which I apologise for, but it was necessary one hundred per cent. I really enjoyed this chapter, mainly because it's super fun trying to break down Tobio's walls using other characters.
> 
> We're reaching an interesting point in the story, just one or two filler chapters to go and then we'll be ready for the exciting bits. (*o*)
> 
> See you next chapter for more awkwardness and a little bit of Hinata's POV maybe (if you like, I'm not sure about switching POVs...)
> 
> Song is Chocolate by The 1975.  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfBKqaVk2Co  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-1975/id686362512


	5. Completely Addicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would go on the hen night...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the beat of my drum,  
> Meets the beat of your heart,  
> You know I couldn't love any other - any other.  
> This is where I come from,  
> This is where I belong,  
> With the beat of your drum,  
> Not any other.

**Hinata's Point of View.**

 

_“Understand?”_

_“Yep! I've got this, no worries,” Shouyou sends a smile to the taller companion. “What's wrong with you? You look depressed again. Don't be: we're winning.” Maybe ‘depressed’ isn’t the right word, but it’s the only one that immediately comes to mind. There’s something strange about Kageyama’s face, it’s almost as though he isn’t there._

_“I'm not depressed.”_

_“Y-” Shouyou finds himself interrupted by a loud and shrill whistle. Internally he sighs and finishes: -ou sure? You’ve been so blank-faced recently – it’s freaking my out. He claps Kageyama’s shoulder in a way that he’s seen other team-mates do to boost morale. It’s a nothing-gesture. It means so little and Shouyou finds himself thinking that something more could have really helped._

_A hug? A… a kiss?_

* * *

_His thumb hovers over the call button for a split second. As he lets the rings sound out, he thinks about how he will deal with the situation. He wants to shout and scream down the line. “Bakageyama! Where were you? You missed practice today and I had to train by myself! Do you have any idea how awful practice is without you? It’s like trying to practice without my shoes! Stupid, selfish!” But when the little voicemail message sound beeps to prompt his message, Shouyou opens his mouth and the wrong words tumble out._

_It’s like a massive boot stepped on the message from his brain to his voice box that said: ‘shout and be angry’, messing up the signals and magically morphing it into: ‘gush and show how you always track where he is and how he’s doing’. Shouyou feels a bead of sweat on his forehead, and he wants to slap himself so badly as he hears his own desperate voice._

_"Kageyama? I didn't see you at school today, so I just thought I'd let you know that coach says we should come in for extra practice this weekend to uh practice…”_

* * *

_Why are my hands sticky? Oh… right._

Shouyou’s face goes completely red, and he thanks whoever’s watching over him right now that he’s alone. Glancing down at his hands in his lap, he sighs and lifts them to his mouth, licking the melted ice-cream off quickly. Looking down again, he decides it is one hundred per cent necessary for new shorts. He rolls off the chair in a familiar fashion and practically runs to the public toilets, sifting through all of the items in his sports kit. It doesn’t take long for him to find some shorts that will replace the others effectively, but the abnormal idea of just wearing his sports shorts is too much for him, so he slips on his sports shirt too before returning to the bus-stop to wait for his ride.  
By the time he arrives there’s a long queue and substantially less ice-cream than there was when he set out.

“Evenin’ kid.” the bus driver asks, not even looking at Shouyou as he speaks.

“Hi,” he says, offering up the fare he knows so well accompanied by a grin. The driver smirks and accepts the cash, motioning for the boy to go on. Shouyou heads toward the usual seat and kicks off the usual shoes before putting in the usual headphones.

He often thinks that the buses run too late, especially on weekdays. It’s Monday, and the sun’s setting, yet there are still people who have places to go and there are still people who are willing to take them. It’s been a few years since he started to take the bus home from home learning club. It's so easy to just ask the driver to take him to the country outside the town after home learning club, but he’s never done it. His teachers always said he was never a rule-breaker, never a rebel (although a little exuberant and eccentric) and his heart was always in the right place. Hm… his heart.

His heart is a mess right now.

It had been difficult to deal with the new emotions at first. Really difficult. Feeling this weird kind of _like_ like towards Kageyama (who is everything Shouyou’s crush shouldn’t be: a male arch-nemesis with a sharp tongue and a completely bored/uninterested expression that he wears almost all of the time apart from when he’s shouting at Shouyou for being a dumbass) was really hard, but he’s getting used to it.

(Well, as used to something as you can get when nothing makes sense anymore and everything aches all over whenever you think about it too hard.)

At one of the stops, a gaggle of girls in their late twenties bundle on, each one producing their own degree of loud, incomprehensible exclamations and laughter. It makes Shouyou smile a little to see this much energy and excitement, and his mind immediately labels the party as ‘hen night’. His suspicions are confirmed when a large blow-up doll of a naked man appears, making him blush a bright scarlet. Hen nights are a rare occurrence on this bus, because it’s quite an early one and it heads away from the city first, not into it. Behind them are an elderly couple with a small terrier. At first the bus driver tries to send the dog away (“Sorry but we don’ really allow dogs on the buses.”) but the girls from the hen night get involved and eventually the small terrier is begrudgingly permitted on. The whole scene makes Shouyou laugh, catching the attention of one of the women who smiles at him and chucks him some sort of pink, fluffy tiara before the whole group disappear to the back of the bus. The elderly couple hide behind the driver at the front, the little terrier perching between them.

The hens cluck away as the bus rolls on.

"He has no idea how lucky he is to have you!" Someone shouts. "It feels like only yesterday that it was just a high-school crush!"

'Just a high-school crush'. The phrase rings in Shouyou's ears. Is 'just' a word that can be used there? Are all high-school relationships regarded with such nanchalence? But... here was a clear cut example of how things can escalate, how things can be serious. It's not a joke, these emotions. These feelings aren't to be taken lightly. He can't help but think of Kageyama. (Who would go on the hen night...?)

The noise of the hen party is a little irritating, and Shouyou looks over to the elderly couple to see if they are showing any signs of annoyance, but they look peaceful. The woman has her head resting on the man’s shoulder and his is being supported by it. From where Shouyou’s sitting, he can barely see anything more, but he knows that there is a deep, strong love there. He thinks about whether the bride-to-be hidden amongst the gaggle of girls behind him will stay in her marriage to that age, then he wonders whether he himself could stay in a relationship for that long.

It’s the ideal situation to meet someone you love completely, marry them and grow old with them. No distrust, no hiccups along the way – just complete happiness and bliss. Could he have that with Kageyama? They definitely trust one another, but they have so many fight and arguments…

Shouyou’s love can’t just be a fantasy or a dream. If they ever got together, there’d be fights, and anger, and crazily pathetic insults constantly, but maybe it’d change them in some way. Maybe love could do that. Shouyou had noticed his own personality changing over the past few days, sure. It was unpredictable, then. Maybe that is why he can’t let go of the idea.

It’s such a ridiculous idea.

Kageyama couldn’t _like_ like him, could he? He’s destined to find some perfect girl who can cheer for him at volleyball matches and support him unconditionally through his schooling, through his extra education, through his career (maybe even his retirement!).

_Fuck! Why am I thinking like this?!_

He’s in love! He loves Kageyama, and in his heart he knows he has done for a long time. He wants to be with him every second of every day, he wants to protect him and be protected by him, fight his fights and let him fight for him. Everything about Kageyama is so perfect. Shouyou can’t control any of it, but he can’t do anything about it. He just has to watch, feeding off of those small moments of contact and occasional kind words like a parasite until he eventually can’t take it anymore and makes a move.

Because just because logic defies his ideas, it doesn’t mean he even considers abandoning them.

Shouyou’s feet begin to grow cold, so he repositions himself so that his toes are touching the heating system to his left, leaving his shoes untouched on the floor. The heat buzz up his socked feet and warm up his ankles and shins, the warmth filling him up like a stream. He allows his forehead to rest against the cool window pane and his eyes flutter shut.

A thick blanket falls over his shoulders, but only metaphorically. A weight of weariness suddenly collapses on him and Shouyou lets his breathing become deeper and deeper until he's almost snoring. A weak memory of Kageyama wrapping a jacket around him on the minibus floods his senses, and he can almost touch the figure in his near-dream from the realistic imagery. He can feel the volleyball jacket's soft lining against his neck, and he can smell that musky heliotropin scent that he'd grown to associate with his teammate. It was a nice smell, really... but what else could he expect from Kageyama Tobio?

* * *

Later that evening, the images and memories of Kageyama refuse to leave his mind. The losses and victories on the court all add up in a little tally in his head, every smile or whoop recorded in a small paper book in his mind. There's memories of getting changed before practice and "Dumbass, tie your shoes properly before going out." and

"Dumbass, those aren't white socks." Pre-match team talks flood his ears in a cascade of noise, and insults eventually flood them out.

Dumbass.

Idiot.

Useless.

Stupid.

They're all such harsh words, but somehow when Kageyama says them they don't hurt anymore.

Specific replays of key moments play in his head like they are being projected onto the inside of his brain. Unavoidable, but yet it's like watching a good film.

_“We played so well today! Did you see me? I was like BAM and SWOOSH! Although I do feel bad about that blocker. I didn't mean to, y'know? The ball just kind of had a mind of its own when it hit him.”_

_“Shut up, idiot. I know you're tired.”_

_“Am I really that easy to read?”_

_“No.”_

That one was still fresh in his memory, despite being a good few days old and almost insignificant to most. To Shouyou, it brought the whole new idea that maybe Kageyama pays as much attention to him as he does to Kageyama. It had been like someone was holding a net full of butterflies in his stomach, but they hadn't let them out yet. It was like someone had just set a time-bomb to go off in his stomach, and it was steadily counting down.

_"You don't have to go anywhere. You can stay here and just, I don't know, become a volleyball coach. You don't have to be like your parents, and you definitely don't have to challenge murderers and thieves if you don't want to,"_

_"You think I could be a volleyball coach?"_

_"Sure."_

Oh, another one. Shouyou's mouth curls a little at the memory, a wistful dream of a future that could be encompassing his thoughts.

He lays down under the covers of his suddenly-too-big-and-empty bed, feeling a little cold.

Shouyou can't help thinking about the setter again as he falls asleep. It’s more soothing than cocoa... because even though it's wrong to feel this way, Hinata Shouyou knows that he's completely addicted to Kageyama, and no amount of anything could make him give him up.

* * *

_"I think anyone would be happy to love you."_

_"Even you?"_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fifth chapter is really important to me and kind of close to my heart. Out of all the chapters I've written so far, I think it's the most crucial one because it covers just how much Hinata feels for Kageyama and how much he hangs off of every word Kags says. Honestly, every single word. I really relate to Hinata at this point because I'm currently goign through that awkward heart-bursting crushing phase, and it really does hurt. I think that Hina would be more intuned with his feelings, so when he starting thinking of Kags like this he'd notice.
> 
> It's really interesting, because I've had a few comments about Hinata's different personality in this story, so you've noticed it. He's a lot less hot-headed and argumentative, and I think it's because he's seeing the world in a different way. The whole bus-bit is meant to show how he can't even watch other people without relating their situations to his own emotions. He's so focused on his goal, just like with volleyball, that it's taking over his whole life. 
> 
> Even though this story is mainly focused on our darling ickle Tobio, it's really crucial to remember that Hinata actually started understanding his feelings a lot earlier than he did, and he's changing almost as much as Tobio. 
> 
> Next chapter we go back to the taller confused dork, and then I reckon we'll be prepared enough for the climax. Yay, exciting!
> 
> Song is Crystallized by Young the Giant.  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF5uMvCGUCM  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/mind-over-matter/id764934819


	6. A Simple Question, but no Simple Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He can't get the words out of his head that he'd read on that tiny little screen, and at that moment he thinks he'll never forget them. 
> 
> How could he?
> 
> How could anyone?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I feel I'm watered down,  
> Whenever he's around.  
> I put on the crown of clowns,  
> And melt slowly to the ground.
> 
> Yeah I feel it coming on,  
> When I've been static for too long.  
> And an explosion comes in time,  
> ...Before I go and cross the line.

**PART 1:**

 

Mathematics has never been something that relaxed Tobio's nerves, but he wasn't bad at it. His grades were quite high (higher than a lot of his classmates', but not the top) and his teacher had no problems with his future exams. His mother used to ring him to ask him questions when she had difficult problems at work, and his aunt always liked to test him on his tables when they were eating or just talking. Which is why his face may be the colour of a snapping lobster and his veins are popping and unpopping on his forhead.

A simple question - question one, no less - sit in front of him, mocking him with it's apparent simplicity. Fifteen x to the power of three over five x. 15x^3/5x. Fifteen x's. All cubed. Divided by five more x's. (Which weren't cubed.) 15. 5. There is a simple correlation, he can sense it - ah! Divide the top by-

Hinata laughs beside him, deep in a conversation with the girl opposite about some sort of hilarity that had happened in one of their lessons the other day. He's been talking loudly ever since the class were left to complete the task, and his incessant ramblings had been penetrating Tobio's eardrums for a long time.

Fuck.

Tobio scribbles out his perfect copy of the question and writes it out again, determined not to lose any focus again. Right. Fifteen...x... to the power of 2 - no, 3.

Off to his left he can hear the clever boys discussing question six in hushed tones, some disagreement buzzing around them for a few moments before they all jointly decide on an answer and jot it down. Tobio's vein pops again, his hands starting to get a little clammy from all of the stress his brain is under. He decides to try and tune out the boys and stares at his own page. Some part of him believes if he stares at the numbers long enough they'll start to make sense.

If he cancels out one of the x's, then it would be x squared on the top, right? And then just need to sort out those pesky numbers-

Hinata stands, scraping his chair against the floor.

"Where are you going?" the irritating girl asks, obviously dissapointed that Hinata's leaving.

"Wasser," he replies, flicking at an empty water bottle. Tobio throws down his pencil, the graphite tip leaving a small spot on his page, and he kicks his own chair back. 

"What's wrong with you?" Hinata says, narrowing his eyes and taking a defensive stance. His grip on the water bottle tightens a little and it cracks. That's when Tobio notices the silence that has descended on the room. "Oi - I'm talking to you, Kageyama."

"Oh? Are you? You seem to have been talking to that girl for the past fifteen minutes."

"What? Kameko? Why can't I talk to her?"

"Because it's constant! Why can't you just focus - just be quiet?! It's every lesson. And y'know what, it's not even just in Maths, I bet you do this every lesson, I bet you're a stupid fucking distraction in _every_ lesson. There are probably people in all of your classes who are begging to be moved away from you because they can't answer question  _one_ because there's some short, ginger dumbass shouting in their ear the whole time!" Tobio spews out, uncharacteristically angry and loud. He shocks himself as he speaks, not sure why he's swearing, not sure why he's being so insulting, not sure why he's projecting all of this anger onto Hinata who'd barely spoken to him that lesson.

Hinata steps forward, foot stamping only a few inches from Tobio's own.

"I'm the one who's shouting?" Hinata manages, bottle now completely crushed in his left hand. His eyes are fiery and full of anger. Tobio watches as he adopts the expression of utter contempt that he always does when he's mad. He sees Hinata's jaw clench and unclench, in the way it always does when he feels offended or attacked. "It's not my fault you can't answer question one!"

"It's entirely your fault! How is it not?" The setter can feel his nails digging into his palms, little pricks of pain doing nothing apart from make the situation worse. "Go on, fucker, tell me how it isn't."

"Fine! Let me tell you: you just don't understand it. I've been sitting here every maths lesson, every day, by your side, talking, and you've never had any problem before. You've never had an issue with me before. Something's seriously wrong with you," Hinata spits, also uncharacteristically angry. Tobio feels his knees begin to weaken.

Hinata's staring at him. Oh God. Tobio can't quite make out what it is in Hinata's eyes. It's not fear... and it's not quite anger... is it..

Is it...

...Hatred?

Is it hatred?  
  
Does Hinata - innocent, laughing, overly-enthusiatic and argumentative Hinata - hate him?

Tobio wants so badly to touch Hinata now, to punch him, or kick him, or hug him so tightly that his fingernails leave little marks on his back. He's hot, and his mind is blurred and fuzzy as though he's watching a television stuck on static. That's when it happens - he gags a little, but it's too late. 

As the teacher walks in, Tobio is violently sick on the boy who was now less than a pace from him. Tears of embarrassment, anger and shame burn at the back of his eyes, a strong wind blowing them with particles of sand caught in it. He wipes his mouth and leaves, the little prickling drops overflowing as the door to the classroom slams shut behind him. He can hear Hinata exclaiming how gross that was and how insane Tobio is, but he blanches and tries to focus on calming his own sloshing stomach. This is the worst it's ever been, and he couldn't possibly have been any worse. 

The seclusion of the toilet cubicle came as a sweet release, but his reflexes couldn't quite tune themselves into the right situation. His fingers fumbled for the blessed tablets, but he kicked himself as he realised that the little shits were currently in his pencil case back in the classroom. Tobio tries to calm himself, leaning his back up against the cubicle wall. After what seems like an age his breathing's evened out, but his knees feel dead and he finally starts to hear the repetitive gentle tap of his fingers against the floor. He stops.

He doesn't leave the cubicle for a long  _long_ time. People come in, and people go, but none of them stay for very long. There was one guy who came in and - by the sounds of it - wrote a phone number on the back of one of the doors, snickering as he left. Any motivation Tobio had to move and continue on with the day has shrivelled deep inside of him. However, once the bell rings to signal the start of lunch he rises slowly and creeps out of the room. His body swayed from left to right as he walks, almost like a drunk.

He'd been sick on Hinata. Physically sick. He wonders where he was now. Had he changed? Probably - wait, no, definitely. How could any teacher let him walk round in uniform that was in that... 'state'. He wonders why no teachers had sent a student in to check if he was okay, and then he remembers that that had happened. A boy from their class: an overweight, yet oddly attractive guy with a reputation for treating girls like gold, had come into the room extremely awkwardly and asked if Tobio was okay. He'd said that yes, he was fine, and the boy had thanked him and left. 

Tobio searches for a place to eat, hunger ripping apart his insides. He avoids the well-populated benches like the plague and seeks out his beloved vending machine.

The can doesn't fall down first time, so Tobio kicks at the machine. It's a little more forceful than he'd expected, and he feels a bruise or two blossoming around his toes. 

As he slurps on the soda, his mind drifts to the topic of the upcoming match that evening. It's hours away, and the thought of having to play on the same team as... well, as him makes Tobio's bones quiver a little. How could he look Hinata in the eyes again after that? He'd had such an air of hate about him, such a sharp glare in his eyes that seemed so wrong and out of place - like a rosy cheeked 8-year-old firing a machine gun - and that was  _before_ he'd thrown up on him.   
  
It seemed right to apologise. It's the right thing to do, but he can't bring himself to. 

After all of the fights they'd had, they'd never really formally apologised (even that one time when Hinata'd slammed a door in Tobio's face and he'd had a bloody nose for hours) it's hard to start now. Besides, does Hinata even want to hear it? Why should he even consider forgiving him? It was a double attack, really. He'd insulted him, then topped it off by throwing up on him! Fuck! How do you even start to apologise for that?

'Hi, I know you hate me now and probably don't even want to see my face right now, but I thought I'd just say sorry for swearing at you and undermining the intelligent, hard-working persona I actually know you have but chose to ignore because it suited my emotions and for up-chucking all over your face then running away. Dick move. We cool?'

He raises the can to his lips to sip at it, but there's nothing there. Disappointed, he crushes it between his fingers and drops it into the bin. 

* * *

They pass one another a few times in the corridor between lesson changes, but they don't make eye-contact. Hinata's wearing a girls' uniform blouse under an oversized jumper, and Tobio giggles like a schoolgirl about it to himself in Russian, his eyesight blurring yet again as tears threaten to overflow. His teacher gives him strange looks, but shrugs it off as 'just one of those things'. 

* * *

 He sees Hinata struggle under the weight of a massive art folder as he comes down the science department stairs and moves instinctively to take it from him. Then he remembers, spins on his heel, and walks down the opposite corridor.

* * *

"Thank God I can take this off!" Hinata exclaims as he tugs off his uniform over his head, jumper and blouse being abandoned into the lost property bin. Tobio hears him say something like 'back where you belong, foul harbinger'. Tobio's tying his shoes, on the bench my the mirror, head bent so his hair dangles in his eyes and creates a curtain around his view of the world. 

"Ha! Why the hell were you wearing  _that_?" Tanaka laughs, others chuckling too. 

 _Oh no,_ Tobio thinks,  _here it comes._

Thoughts of scalds and public shaming penetrate his clouds of thought. Tanaka's going to be outraged. He'll be annoyed that Tobio didn't come to him for help, and he'll be annoyed that he'd been sick on Hinata ("Even the floor! There's so much floor, couldn't you have aimed a little better?"). Asahi would be even more awkward, not sure how to approach him for weeks and weeks - just when they'd been getting a little easier around one another, too! And oh God Tsukishima. He'll tease him for months, maybe even  _years._ It'll be one of his favourite 'I'm-Better-Than-You-And-You-Know-It-Because' cards to use whenever Tobio tries to say anything. And those are all just the team!

Daichi might deem him not fit to play for the night (which he  _is._ He's feeling a little better, thanks), and then Ukai will make him sit on the bench for the match. This match that Hinata and he trained so hard for at the weekend. This match that was the whole reason that he ever ended up taking a walk with the guy. This match that has been the precursor for so many strange and unusual revelations - he can't sit out on this match. 

He needs to play, and they need to win. 

But he starts to tie his shoelaces a little slower, starts trying to relax his excitement that he gets before every match. Just waiting for someone to say 'Wow! Are you sure he's fit to play?'. He'd so hoped that he would be able to avoid this. 

Prepared, he lets out a sigh and waits for Hinata to reply.

"Some kid spilled his juice on me in the canteen," Hinata lies, sighing melodramatically at the fake recollection, accidentally mirroring the other's sigh.

Tobio blinks.

Steadily, slowly, as though he'd been shot, he sits up straight. 

"Was it that one who looks a bit like Nishinoya as a crow?"   
  
"Oi!" 

"Oh I know him!" Yamaguchi says, a little over-excited and uncharacteristically outspoken. "He's a bit.."

"Ugly?" Tsukishima offers.

"Hey!" Nishinoya tries again, only to be interrupted by Ukai yelling for everyone to roll onto the minibus. Tobio leaves at the back of the crowd. He catches Hinata's gaze for a split second, but Hinata looks away too quickly for them to be okay. 

As the bus pulls away, Tobio sits alone. His bag occupying the empty seat beside him, and his heart as heavy as before knowing that Hinata hasn't fully forgiven him. He shoves in his headphones and places his forehead against the misting glass of the minibus.   
  
Hinata's laugh cuts through the headphones' sounds, and his stomach does a tiny flip. And this is when he gets it. 

This is the point when Tobio finally, finally fucking gets it. He gets the feeling. He gets the anger, the sickness, the strange amount of compliments, the strange amount of insults. The difficulty sleeping, the difficulty when trying to keep a clear head, the difficulty focusing.

He finally gets that need to take a walk down the beach, the true meaning behind this match's importance, the reason his stomach keeps -

And  _god_ he was such an idiot! Taking all those paracetamol pills like they could cure it! But of course they don't work, of course they don't sort out his stomach because -

And it's all  _him._ Everything. Every problem, every change, every tiny little issue leads back to -

And now there's a fucking reason. His aunt's ramblings make sense, Tanaka being an idiot  _makes sense -_

He sits up suddenly, the taste of change on his tongue. His head feels light but light and airy as though he could jump up and no gravity would ever pull him back down. He rummages in his backpack for his phone, and unlocks the screen in a hurry.

It feels smooth and cool, but his face is flustered and hot. 

Because isn't there a term to describe this feeling? 

Isn't there a goddamn, fucking term?! A phrase!   
  
He types it into Google, a simple 8 letters that seem so innocent but hold lifechanging meanings behind them.

And there it is. 

A simple definition.

Tobio reads it, locks his phone, and tries to relax. 

Besides, how does he act on this now? It's created more questions than answered them. And Hinata hates him anyway. Is this... is this what it feels like to... to...

The bus rolls on just the same, but now Tobio can't relax - he can barely sit still - because he's worked it out, and as fucking good as it feels to finally have an answer, it's not the answer he wanted. It's not a helpful answer, and it's given Tobio a thousand more problems to deal with, but goddamn: an answer. An answer. An  _answer._

He can't get the words out of his head that he'd read on that tiny little screen, and at that moment he thinks he'll never forget them. 

How could he?  
  
How could anyone?

Lovesick: ( _adj.)_ Unable to act normally as a result of being in  ** _love_**.

 

 TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, angels. I'm so sorry about the wait. I've been working on at least three other stories, and I wanted to do this chapter justice. There are another 2 parts to this chapter which will be coming fairly soon (not as long a wait, I swear) so I won't say much now or I'll spoil it. 
> 
> I just want you to know a few things:
> 
> 1) Marina Diamondis is an absolutely beautiful specimen. One of my all time favourite artists. Recently I've been listening to a lot of Halsey, and I'm really happy that this chapter connected me to her a little more. 
> 
> 2) Tobio is a gem and he's up for an interesting time over the next few chapters. So is Hina, actually.
> 
> 3) THIS CHAPTER WAS VERY HARD.
> 
> 4) One of the things I've been working on is a lil Kagehina collab fic with a friend I met on AO3. When it's ready, I'll advertise it here so that you guys can read it. I won't give too much away, but if you have any questions let me know.
> 
> Lastly: 5) I'm currently taking one-shot and ficlet requests. If you have any, message me on tumblr (respitebite.tumblr.com) or leave a comment and I'll get back to you on the matter. I'm a bit snowed under for multi-chapters at the moment, but once I'm done those will be available too. ~
> 
> See you next part ~
> 
> Song is Hermit the Frog by Marina & the Diamonds.  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfXLL57T0ls  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/the-family-jewels/id347700339


	7. It's Gonna Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He has a crush on the guy, he's beginning to become certain of that fact. But with every ounce of certainty he finds, his self belief seems to diminish. His ideas are suddenly just ideas, and they all seem to be wrong. His words are all lies, his actions are all failing... He's deteriorating.
> 
> Fuck this."
> 
>  
> 
> (In which Aunt Yui sends the greatest texts in the history of Aunt-to-Nephew communication)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't think I want what I used to want.  
> Don't think I need what I used to need.  
> Don't think I want what I used to want.  
> Don't think I see what I used to see...

**PART 2:**

 

They arrive at the venue early, book in and start to practice a little on the delegated court. There’s a girls’ tennis tournament happening on the outside courts which Nishinoya, Tanaka and, surprisingly, Asahi all rush to watch. Daichi and Sugawara disappear to check the schedules and ‘freshen up’, taking Tsukishima and Yamaguchi with them to show them where the toilets are (as Daichi and Suga had played here before, they knew the building well), leaving only a few people left behind, including Hinata.

Hinata's mood has depleted severely since their arrival, and Tobio could only put it down to stress. Somehow the excitable gnome had fallen asleep on the bus ride there, and ever since he'd woken up he'd been the picture of misery. It wasn't just misery, though, there was something else there that Tobio hadn't seen before, something he couldn't really identify... well, maybe he was just looking at Hinata differently now.

Now that he had a... a 'definition' for his feeling.

Blushing, Tobio turns away from him, tightening the laces on his shoes so much that he thinks it could even cut off the blood circulation to his toes. He thinks about the day he’s had, how hard it’s been. Because it most certainly _had_ been a tough day – no-one could take that away from him.

He takes out his phone and starts to play one of the stupid games he has on there, not really paying attention to anything. A banner alert comes up at the top. It reads:

_Aunt Yui: So you’ve got a…_

Rolling his eyes, he taps on it to open up the whole message, and immediately regrets it. A positive essay greets him, littered with emoticons, exclamation marks and far too many kisses, but he reads it anyways; what else is there to do?

_So you’ve got a match tonight, huh? (: (: (: xxxxx Nice of you to LET ME KNOW. >.< !!!! Now I have to drive all the way up to the other side of town only to be late to the show!!! O: O: >.< Anyway some staff person rang me to let me knw about it, said did you want picking up from school or your match place because you were gonna be getting back really late, naturally I told him I was coming. I HAVE TO SUPPORT YOU AFTER ALL. <3 xxxxxxxxx ((: <3 How was your day????? I’m thinking it was very teenagery and probably all angsty and difficult just like every one of MY days at your age but here are the real questions: How’s the girl/guy?? (; xxxx they looking hawt today? <3 (; bet they are!!!! Xxxx You have to tell me all about it when I pick you up!!! Theyre on your team right? Point them out to me!!!!!!!!! Xxxxxx_

Sighing a little too loudly for it to be okay, he taps out his reply:

_no_

He sends it off and then sits, staring at the screen in front of him. Time slips away, and he sits up straighter.

Knowing he’ll regret it later, he writes another reply.

_i didnt tell u about the match bcse i didnt think ud wanna come mum never does. dont worry about bein late bc loads of people turn up late t these things idek why they come really there isnt much to watch. the person u spoke to was probs ukai – the coach guy here. hes okay. seems to care quite a lot about parent participation or watevr._

He gulps before continuing, nervous for some reason. ( _It’s just Yui it’s just Yui it’s just Yui_.)

_my day could hav been bettr. i got in a fight. dont think ill ever be forgivn bcse i was a bit of a dik tbh im not proud but he was being rlly out of line too so idk i think were not friends anymore but idcc ive nevr rlly had friends anyway well i think i might love him so  
_

He reads over the last bit and deletes the whole last sentence. He replaces it with: _threw up._ Then he sends it.

He quickly, out of pure politeness, shoots a little singular kiss as a separate message. It feels wrong and strange, but he thinks that maybe Aunt Yui deserves it after all the shit he keeps pulling her through.

Aunt Yui may just be the only person he has left in the world. The only person who gives a fuck, the only person left who he hadn’t sent away because of his stoic face and snappy words. She’d always been around, but more importantly, she’d always come back to him.

And now, it seems, he needs her more than ever before.

He starts feeling a little excited about her arrival, but his excitement fades when he remembers where he is and what he’d done. His excitement disappears so far away that he starts to dread the beginning whistle.

It was like a sense of foreboding... a sense that something big is about to happen... bigger than ever before.

* * *

 Tanaka comes back about fifteen minutes later, moaning and whining about how some girl who’d turned him down, Nishinoya jumping about behind him and waving his phone around like a maniac. Apparently he’d got one of the cheerleaders’ number, and Asahi has a suspicious lipstick smudge on his cheek. Tobio doesn’t hear how he got it because when Tsukishima asks him, he just blushes and looks away. Everyone has a light heart before the match starts, but Tobio can see something in Hinata that isn’t quite right.

He thinks it’s sadness, but then realises it could just as well be anger. His first instinct was to punch whoever caused Hinata to be this way, but he soon realised that he’d just be beating up himself.

The beginning whistle screeches, and the two teams set themselves up. There are some faint cheers from people in the stands, but they’re shushed quickly as the umpires say a few words of encouragement, and remind the teams of a few key rules.

Before he knows it, Tobio is rocking on his feet, preparing for his first receive of the match.

* * *

The whistle blows again, signalling yet another point for the opposing team. Tobio watches with immense distain as a rather small, skinny boy pushes up his glasses and high fives the setter beside him. The lad was tall, spotty-faced, and had between the two of them they had done hardly anything for the whole time they’d been on the court. The real problem was the other two.

At the other end of the net there were two very tall, very muscly and very quick players who seemed to be excellent at almost everything. They knew where Karasuno’s weaknesses were (the centre left of the court and Yamaguchi) and they were using them against the team.

They ready themselves to continue playing, and Tobio gets the ball quickly. He tosses it to where Hinata is supposed to be, but it bounces off of Nishinoya’s sharp fist, Hinata a good few paces behind. Tobio shoots a glare at the small orange haired boy, and is about to shout at him when someone else beats him to it – a break is called.

The opposing team start sipping at energy drinks and smoothies, discussing meaningless things, absentmindedly. Tobio becomes even more angered at this, but turns his attention to the problematic boy. He searches for him and eventually finds him talking to Sugawara, he strides over with meaning.

His path becomes blocked by Tanaka. A grim, set look adorns his features, it almost mirrors Tobio’s own.

The look is menacing, almost imposing, but Tobio isn’t put out. This is Tanaka, after all. How severe can he be?

“This has to stop,” he says, voice so solid that each word seemed to weigh a ton. Tobio looks at him in his usual way, but remains silent. “This _has_ to stop."

“Are you even listening to me? We _will_ lose if you guys don’t sort it out,” Tanaka says, bluntly. He’s speaking quietly so that only Tobio himself can hear what he’s saying, but there’s a definite fierceness in his statement. At this, Tobio takes offence.

“’You guys’? You’re blaming me? I’m not the one missing all the tosses, talk to the dumbass about it,” he retaliates, stepping closer to his superior. Every inch of his body and mind tells him to stop, to take a pace back, to seriously think about what he’s doing, but he’s not following him mind or body anymore. He stopped doing that in Maths that morning, and he thinks that maybe his actions and his impulses will never be in tune anymore.

“No, I’m not blaming _just_ you, but listen: you and I both know why this is happening, and you and I _both know_ that if you don’t sort it out, we won’t just lose the match but… but you’ll lose Hinata.” Tobio pauses. “Something happened today, right? Yeah, guessed so… you know it’s best to talk things th-“

“I don’t like him,” Tobio says. And it's a lie.

He has a crush on the guy, he's beginning to become certain of that fact. But with every ounce of certainty he finds, his self belief seems to diminish. His ideas are suddenly just ideas, and they all seem to be wrong. His words are all lies, his actions are all failing... He's deteriorating.

Fuck this.

Fuck all of this stupid 'lovesick' shit.

Tanaka’s face softens a little, and he sends Tobio a quick, sympathetic smile that is so uncharacteristically tender that it makes the setter angrier than when he was shouting. Tanaka’s smile is patronising, almost as though he’s saying ‘ _yeah, stop lying to yourself’_. Infuriating.

Tobio breathes in and stalks away.

He approaches his stuff and starts rummaging through his bag pockets to find his phone, an object that seems to be becoming a release as of late. The lock screen is flooded with message notifications: at least eight. Quickly, he unlocks his phone and scans the message home screen.

_Yui: YOU SENT ME A…_

_Yui: AW!!!!!! THANK Y…_

_Yui: That’s a bit of a…_

_Yui: You’re at the ma…_

_Yui: If you need any k…_

_Yui: It’s gonna be ok._

_Yui: x_

_Yui: Good luck <3_

Tobio locks his phone back up, one particular line swimming through his mind.

It’s gonna be okay. What’s ‘it’? ‘It’: the match, or ‘it’: Hinata? Or maybe ‘it’: his fucking awful relationship situation. ‘It’: the next few hours or ‘it’: today?

And who’s it gonna be okay for? For himself? For the team?

…Or maybe for Hinata.

How does he make things okay for Hinata.

Slowly, carefully, he looks at the short boy as he grimaces, frowning at something or other on the other side of the hall. He’s facing away from Tobio, but he still looks so pained. He looks mad, angry… not himself.

It's at this point that Tobio decides on some things.

Tobio thinks then that he wants nothing more than to see Hinata smile. He wants to look away and then look back and see the little spiker laughing and jumping up and down in the way that he usually finds so annoying. He wants the only person in the world who he sees every day to grin that shit-eating grin and insult him, being more daring than anyone else Tobio knows. He wants Hinata to smile again, he wants to see the Hinata that he thinks he might 'love' (ew), and he wants everything to be okay for _him._

But… how can he guarantee that?

In the past, there had been rare occasions where Hinata wasn’t happy, and Tobio would ring him up or confront him somewhere no-one else would be, demanding an explanation for his ‘ugly face’. Once, there’d been a girl who Hinata had asked out to the cinema, but she’d turned him down. Tobio had known something was wrong with the pumpkin the minute he walked into maths, a positive cloud of misery raining down on him. When he laughed with his friends, Tobio heard how fake it was, but no-one else did.

He’d gone up to him at lunch, telling him to explain himself. Hinata denied it at first, but eventually cracked under Tobio’s stony glare. At first, Tobio had thought Hinata might start crying, but he never did. He just talked and talked and talked, drowning all of his sorrows in Tobio like his pain was water and Tobio a sponge. By the time he was done, it seemed like there was little heartbreak left in him, but Tobio’s heart was now as heavy as anything.

Looking back, perhaps he has  _liked_ Hinata for a lot longer that he had initially thought.

Tobio watches as the umpire settles back into the position and blows down on that accursed whistle. He gingerly jogs back into place, all the time thinking about how the next hour of his life is going to determine the rest of his future.

He comes to the conclusion that if they lose, he will indeed lose Hinata.

He also comes to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, that’d be for the best.

The ball comes flying towards his team, and for the hundredth time everything stops in the world. The noises all mush together into one high pitched frequency, and the whole world is completely quiet and slow, like it’s been encased in treacle.

Maybe it would be for the best if they lost, because then it wouldn’t matter anymore if he adored Hinata, or if he despised him. It wouldn’t matter if Hinata wanted to stab him or hug him, because if they lost this match then who would care about anything anymore? The team they’re playing aren’t experienced – they only have two good players – so if the famous Karasuno lost to this, there’d be no point in continuing. Well, there’d be no point in Tobio continuing.

If the famous King lost to this, then he’d lose his reputation, he’d lose Hinata, and he’d lose everything. But maybe that was the right thing to do.

Maybe that would make everything okay.

For once.

Maybe it was right to finally slink away into the shadows, to skulk away into that realm of not-quite-a-memory. He could live out his life on the side-lines… maybe then the little spiker would become famous. Heh. Wouldn’t that be something?

So, when the ball comes towards him, Tobio lets it fall. His clenched fists relax, arms now hanging loosely at his sides. He can feel everyone stare in stunned silence, but Tobio doesn’t lift his head. Instead, he turns away.

The coach goes to him and asks if he wants to take a quick break. When Tobio doesn’t reply Ukai pushes him off the court gently, swapping in Sugawara.

He walks to the bench and sits, slowly. Beside him he thinks some people are talking to him, but he doesn’t try to work out what they may be trying to say. He’s just given up his volleyball career in a simple absence of movement, and he felt… nothing.

Somehow his whole life, all the friends he’d lost, all the training, the torment, the trials suddenly meant nothing. He was just a hindrance.

 _He_ was the one fucking up the tosses, _he_ was the one who was incapable of fitting in with the team, _he_ was the newbie who was fucking up the whole team, and for once in his life he was prepared to accept his wrongdoings. He feels like he’s floating.

In his mind, he’s not even really in his own body anymore. He tries to feel some kind of emotion about what he’d just done, but Hinata’s laughing face just keeps coming back into his thoughts.

This is for the best.

A star can’t be born until an old one dies, right?

And it’s not like Hinata will ever smile with him around – not after today, anyways.

So Tobio sits, and lets himself float, and he just feels nothing. He wonders if this is what it’s like to lose, or if this is what it’s like to win.

He doesn’t hear it when the whistle blows for a point in Karasuno’s favour, and he doesn’t hear it when the whistle blows again and again and again. He doesn’t even hear it when the two teams come to a draw, a match point.

He doesn’t see it when Karasuno score their first point, and he doesn’t see it when the other team do a little regroup and start passing around shifty glances, and he doesn’t see it when his team start to get points again and again and again. He doesn’t even see it when the two teams come to a draw, a match point.

But he does hear it when Hinata (and it can only be Hinata) screams.

And he _does_ see it when the only person he cares for in this whole fucking gymnasium collapses to the floor in agony, wheezing harshly.

And Tobio wishes he was deaf and blind, because he’d rather lose those senses then witness this.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, munchkins. 
> 
> I don't have much to say about this one, but I kinda like it.
> 
> I love me a good bit o' angst.
> 
> See you for the next one, precious ones. 
> 
> IN THE MEANTIME, here's my tumblr: www.animehovel.tumblr.com
> 
> Song is Gold by Marina & the Diamonds  
> Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAfZWY3T-YA  
> iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/froot/id936941140


	8. A Pathetic Text and a Pathetic Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...it feels drug-induced. 
> 
> And maybe it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't go out much at all  
> I've never been the type to call  
> I realize to be happy  
> Maybe I need a little company

**PART 3:**

 

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" is the first thing Tobio says to break the uncomfortable silence in the gym. It's only a split second of motionlessness, but as soon as he speaks people everywhere snap into action. The Karasuno team crowd their fallen player like hungry birds, the opposing team also coming over to examine the situation. Guests and observers from the stands all begin to fuss, some of them shouting if an ambulance should be called, others taking the opportunity to slip out of the gym and grab a drink or a quick cigarette. The umpires shout that the game is over ("Please wait where you are whilst we register the players. Please remain seated, ma'am - ma'am!"), Ukai hurries over, pushing through the gaggle of players, and Takeda tries to find a quiet corner to make a few important calls - probably to the head of the Karasuno school, as is customary.

Tobio, however, is struggling to move.

The sounds, the business, the speed - it's unfamiliar, inhuman and almost alien to him. There's been hype at matches before, and there have certainly been injuries before on the court, but this is different. This is different because this is Hinata, and this match was supposed to be incredible. 

"Tobio-kun, hey! Are you okay? I - I stepped out for five seconds and I come back and _this_ is what I come back to. What's going on, why is everyone panicking?" Tobio hears behind him. He snaps his head round to see his aunt staring at him with wide, panic-stricken eyes. Tobio simply gestures to the gaggle of boys in front of him with his hand. 

"Injury," he manages. 

"Injury? Is it bad?" Yui starts standing tall to try and catch a glimpse, but when she looks back at her nephew there's something glazed and misty in his eyes. "Hey... what's wrong?"

She sat down next to him on the bench. The cacophony of sound around them is beginning to blur together even more, into something that's almost akin to a bubble. A bubble of chaos. All because of Hinata, who Tobio wasn't even attempting to see. The opposing team are getting sifted out of the mix by their coach, taken over to the other side of the court so they could be registered and sent home.

When they were gone, Tobio can still see that Coach Ukai, Daichi and a couple others are crouching on the balls of their feet, implying that Hinata hasn't made it up from the floor yet. 

"Oi," Yui prompts, unaware of Tobio's thoughts. "I'm talking to you."

"That's him," he suddenly replies, only impulse behind his words. As soon as he'd said them aloud, he knew it was true.  _That's him._ That's the boy he likes, the boy he wants to spend more time with - fuck -  _all_ his time with. He wants to make him smile and laugh, to hear about his day and his problems and his dreams and his fall-backs. He wants to study with him until he falls asleep, but most of all he realises he wants to have 'firsts' with him. 

First time they go to the cinema at 1 o'clock in the morning. First time they go to Russia. First time they both get an A* on a Maths exam. First time they hold hands in public. First time they kiss. First time Tobio can go to sleep without being afraid of spending the rest of his life alone. First time Tobio can wake up in the morning and see that all is right with the world.

Fuck he  _needs_ this guy. This radiant sun, this perfect specimen of undeniable beauty and endearment.

"That's wh- oh. Oh. That's the guy you... oh, Tobi," Aunt Yui is muttering, rubbing circles into his back that he would usually cringe about. Usually he'd bat her away and scoot a little in the opposite direction to her, but today - in this moment - he just leans into her slender thumbs. "What's his name?"

This is harder than anyone else thinks, but she understands. It's so fucking difficult to keep a cool exterior, the only expression you clearly display being anger or sarcasm, especially when you keep having realisations about who you are (gay, inconsistent, a let down to the team,  _gay_ ) and about how many times you've truly lied to yourself and others.

"Hinata."

And now, after all of this, he's watching the source of all of these problems break down and suffer - no, actually, worse than that - he can't even  _see_ the source of all of these problems break down and suffer because he's surrounded by other people who care and actually aren't afraid to show that they give a shit. 

"Well, I'm bored of moping - I'm gonna go see what's going on," she declares, standing quickly and practically skipping over to the Karasuno team. She gets a few peculiar looks, but generally everyone is so focused on Hinata that they don't even bat an eyelid at her presence. Tobio looks up to see her speaking with Takeda for a little, a hand over her mouth. At some point, Tobio feels a vibration in his pocket from his phone and decides to send a quick, necessary text. 

_Shouyou's been injured. Not sure on the details. Takeda-sensei has your number I'm sure, he'll keep you updated._

He typed it out slower than it would have done if he typed like he usually did, but he'd always thought that Hinata's mother was one of those people who judged others on how they communicate, and then he also thought that it may be disrespectful to use text speak in a text like this. 

By the time he's done, Yui is back. She looks grim. Tobio glares at her, expectantly. 

"Shoulder," she fills in, as if that's enough information to keep him satisfied. He glares at her a bit more. "Um... it's purple now, and he can't move it apparently, but they don't really know what it is."

"Just ask him-"

"I thought of that, but according to your teacher it was necessary to put a t-shirt in his mouth for some reason. I hope it isn't one that you lot have been wearing - that'd be gross."

"Chattering," Tobio says. "It'll be because his teeth are chattering and he could bite on his tongue. Choke, maybe."

"That's the most I've heard you talk in a while," Yui comments, unhelpfully. "Look, this is awful. I know this is awful - I can  _see_ that this is awful, but you've ha a tough day, right? A fight, and you were sick, too  _again._ We need to go home and focus on you for a bit. I don't know, maybe you can even make up with the person you fought with, invite them to dinner. I'll make something nice. And we'll have ice cream. Or maybe you want to watch a movie? I have some good ones on my laptop - horrors, comedies - but you're more into action, right? Must be with all of those games you play." 

"It was Hinata."

"What was Hinata?"

"The person... the person that..." and suddenly, something foreign and wrong happens.

Tobio doesn't finish his sentence, and it's all okay because Yui works it out. She wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him close to her, then she guides him out of the gym and into the carpark. The whole world becomes fuzzy and blurred in every aspect. Sound, vision, smells - all of it becomes mixed together like a paint palette that was previously so orderly with every colour in its individual blob, but now is all sloshed together in a hideous swirl. His throat is raw and dry, but his cheeks are about to get wet. 

He can tell.

Tobio tries so hard not to blink all the way to the car, because he knows that once he does those little shits called 'tears' are going to make themselves known, and with their presence all rationality goes out of the window. In the past, he'd only cried a few times, perhaps 3 times that he can remember, and from that limited experience he still knows that when he cries, he's a whole other person. His thoughts are suddenly words, and on one occasion: actions. 

The car headlights flicker as Yui presses the lock, she bundles him into the back seat (she still thinks he's five, Tobio swears) and then crawls in after him, shutting the door behind her.

And then he cries. 

And as he cries, he feels his ears throbbing and his heart racing. Soon enough, he stops making noise and just chokes on the oxygen that only science tells him is reaching his lungs. Yui acts as a listener for once in her life, and she just sits and watches, ruffling his hair a little when she feels the need. And then he swallows the tears and talks.

He says about Hinata's smile, and their night-time walk. He tells the story of how he actually hugged him, and how they have a super fast quick that loads of people say is 'freak' and they can bring out the best of one another's athletic ability and they practice together and they race and they talk and they study and they insult one another but it never hurts. 

Then he gets to telling her about the fight they'd had, and he struggles for a while before it all streams out like a waterfall of emotion and pain, but his emotional trauma is nothing like what his sunshine is experiencing physically right now, and besides... Hinata probably still hates him. This is all totally deserved. Tobio feels like shit, but he can't deny that he deserves it.

When he's finished entirely, Yui sits in stunned silence for a few moments before getting out of the car and locking it. Tobio watches as she heads back into the gym, determination and uncharacteristic seriousness painted all over her face and her body language. When she returns to the car, she locks up the doors and tells Tobio to strap up - they're going home.

* * *

The drive is awkward and neither of them talk that much. Yui puts on Abba, to which Tobio objects, then Disney soundtracks, then some sort of country band, and then she finally settles on a mix CD. And it truly is a mix CD. 

Tobio listens to it carefully, recognising and absorbing some of the songs. He's heard lots of them before, but for some reason they're all so much more personal now. It's almost as though they link to his life and all of his thoughts. But it's impossible. There's Passion Pit, Dye, Regina Spektor and loads of others. The songs that hit him hardest are the last few - all by Marina and the Diamonds. It's almost as though she's watching Tobio right now, writing music about his shitty day, and pumping it through to the car radio. It's annoying.

At some point in the long drive back, Yui pulls over and buys them some sweets, but Tobio doesn't really eat his.

Instead, he notices with disgust that he's been biting his nails and sits on his hands for the rest of the journey. 

* * *

The evening is long, slow and basic. Tobio spends his time flitting between aimlessly playing his favourite RPG, to listening to music on his phone, to attempting to write his Russian essay. His heart isn't in any of the activities, and there's a harshness to everything. There's a rawness to his breath that hurts his throat and he keeps trying to ignore the fact that Hinata exists but it isn't working out.

His phone has no messages, which by this point is upsetting. It's nine o'clock - Hinata would have at least texted by now if this was a normal night.

If Hinata didn't hate him.

If Hinata wasn't in immense pain.

A brief thought crosses his mind at that point that: he hopes Hinata's sleeping. 

He deserves to sleep after the day he's endured. 

He gets a call at some point from Daichi, formally letting him know that Hinata went home with his grandmother, walking and looking a lot healthier. He also said that Karasuno had requested a rematch for a few weeks or months, and the other team had agreed eagerly. Tobio absorbs the information somehow.

He eats, has a bath that lasts about an hour - way longer than normal - then crawls into his bed. 

His room is black from the time of night, and he does nothing to cushion the silence or the darkness. He just stares up at the ceiling and waits for nothing, still trying to block Hinata from his thoughts. (This is something he's been doing a lot recently, but tonight it's sickening for him.)

So eventually, he stops trying to block all of his thoughts, and in the best way that Tobio can, he embraces them.

For the hundredth time that day he thinks about Hinata's smile, and how much he misses it. He thinks about how it's only been a day, but that's enough - that's too long. It was all going fairly well between the two of them recently - they even fucking hugged! - but now everything's gone to shit.

And Tobio feels himself becoming more human: he worries about Hinata a little, thinks about if he's okay or if he's still in pain; he cracks a small smile when he thinks about some of the stuff that had happened in the first few days; and then he gets tired from all of the emotion and falls into a restless sleep.

...

...

Until his phone beeps loudly, lock screen lighting up like the 4th of July. The time is 2:21 in the morning, and Tobio is instantly annoyed. The quiet and the darkness are simultaneously broken, and Tobio moans a little as he turns over and tries to ignore the accursed thing. He's doing well with the process until it beeps again, and he gives in. 

He expects it to be his phone network telling him he's gone over his package parameters or something, but it's not. It's really not.

Tobio lazily unlocks the phone and opens the messages app, then he reads the message and his heart stops beating. 

His heart stops beating because it's from Hinata. 

_u up_

And even though it's just two words, it's two words that Hinata took the time and effort to write (or, in his current state, took the time and effort to get someone else to write, but Tobio isn't blaming him) and Tobio couldn't think of anything he'd rather be woken up by. He reads the message itself about six times to convince himself that it's real.

But it is.

Tobio's happiness is fleeting when he struggles to reply. His fingers hover over the letters he needs to press, but he can't make himself. It's hard to motivate yourself to stay in someone's life when you'd just cut the main tie you had with them only hours before. Tobio is trying to leave Hinata's life so that Hinata can shine through by himself, can succeed without him. Who cares if Tobio likes him or not? Hell, who cares if Tobio  _loves_ him or not? 

But then again, this is Hinata. How can he stay away? This is the sun to his daily life, he's like a drug that Tobio's grown dependent upon without even realising. He's everything a guy could want in a partner: cute, bubbly, caring, attractive. And shit it feels weird and unfamiliar to think about Hinata in this way but at the same time it was right to think this way. Tobio cracked a light smile. Another text comes through:

_status update: collarbone broken_

And again:

_they gave me the ugliest sling_

And again:

_and i only just got back i'm so tired for once_

And  _again:_

_cant play volleyball for a while but ukai says u wont do ani big matches without me. r u sleeping or ignoring me. is this bc of earlier? its ok. i'm over it._

And then the final one:

_oh ur mad at me. cmon baka - im a cripple now. u cant be angry at a cripple!_

And finally Tobio laughs - like honestly, brutally laughs. He can practically see Hinata pouting as he reads the message.

Then he fucking gives up and accepts it all.

Kageyama Tobio thinks that it's selfishness that makes him reply. The incredible need to be okay with this guy because he can't act like himself if Hinata hates him.

And so he replies. It's a pathetic text, and so it leads to a pathetic conversation, but they have it all the same. They talk for the next hour until Hinata stops replying, probably because he's fallen asleep, and Tobio settles back down to sleep. But this time thoughts of Hinata are okay, and this time he sleeps so heavily that it feels drug-induced.

And maybe it is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This is the last part of Chapter 6!
> 
> I loved writing this chapter, it was an absolute honour. This part was very hard - but amazingly fun. 
> 
> I will see you all for Chapter 7 - it should be beautiful and full of fluff and cuddles and joy and a little bit of angst.
> 
> G'bye angels!
> 
> (I'm not including the song links this time because I don't really have the time, but the song is Happy by Marina and the Diamonds: don't worry, there're no more songs by her which'll be used for this story. She's like a Chapter 6 special ~)


	9. Glow-in-the-Dark Star Stickers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hinata isn't his first crush, and he isn't his first love interest, but Tobio suffers a lot with his feelings this time, because somehow they're too real to be ignored, and they're too omniscient to be shrugged off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I’m alone in this,  
> But I find peace in solitude knowing,  
> If I had but just one kiss this whole room,  
> Would be glowing.

One week later and Tobio is lying on Hinata's bed, staring straight at the ceiling where there are a few glow-in-the-dark star stickers that are just beginning to light up, faintly illuminating the smudges on the ceiling around them. One of them is barely attached to the ceiling, peeling away at every point of the star except for one. Tobio suspects that that is why there are only three left: the others all fell down.  

Beside him, Hinata is watching some game show that's beginning to assault Tobio's ears from all the audience's ruckus, fidgeting ridiculously. His left heel keeps nudging Tobio's shin, but each time the younger just ignores that it even happened and goes back to staring directly above him. He's answering all of the trivia questions that he knows in his mind as the show blares, getting a few right that he never thought he would. Sometimes Tobio voices the answer, and if it's right then Hinata gushes for at least two minutes about how 'I could've got that, Kageyama, if you hadn't of said it' and 'you ruined that question for me' and 'great, now I've missed the other questions'. Then there's a moment of silence before Hinata reluctantly admits that Tobio did well on getting the question right, then the routine just starts again. 

Occasionally, Tobio tosses a beanbag up using his left hand, catching it in his right, but for the most part he just lies there. Thinking.  

Well, that is until Hinata starts whining about wanting food, and within thirty seconds of him declaring this, Natsu also bursts into the bedroom demanding sustenance. Tobio consciously suppresses the thought that Natsu and Shouyou are so similar that if Natsu were only a few years older they'd probably be interchangeable, then sighs aloud. 

He takes a leaflet for a pizza take-out off of the bill-board behind him, as he had done every night for the past seven days, Natsu crawling up onto the bed and snuggling between the two boys like a dog snuggling up to its owner. She leans over to Tobio's side more, obsessed with him ever since he had played Princess Fairy Magic Dress-Up Sports Tournament on Unicorns with her in the back garden on the first night he'd come over, the day after Hinata had broken his collarbone.  

Natsu wasn't the only member of Hinata's family who loved him more than he deserved credit for; Hinata's grandfather was also particularly fond of the boy. When the man had stopped over the previous night to check in on his grandchildren, he'd initially been surprised to see the three of them snuggled together on the sofa in the lounge, Natsu laying across Tobio's lap as Hinata struggled with maths homework, brushing off Tobio's comments as he knew from experience that the other boy was no more skilled than he. Tobio had bowed upon seeing the man, offering to leave. Apparently those thirty seconds were enough. 

"I want pineapple!" Natsu announces, pointing at the pizza in question. 

"No! Ew – I hate pineapple. It's too weird on food. Let's get the meat feast with all the pork on it," Hinata counters, yanking the leaflet out of Tobio's hands and flipping it over. Tobio sits back and watches as the two of them argue, the leaflet going back and forth between ten chubby little pink fingers, and five long, slender, slightly bruised ones. He gets his phone out and calls the number of the take-out place, thankfully having memorized it quickly _before_ it had been snatched from his hands.  

He orders both pizzas, along with dough balls, lemonade, garlic bread and dip. 

Hinata looks at him like he's grown an extra head.  

Turns out Hinata hadn't realized that Tobio had been intending to pay for it. Also turns out that Hinata doesn't really _like_ being bought things because apparently it makes him look like a girl. But he eats a hell of a lot of pizza when it comes anyway, and Tobio notes with sadness that he only manages to get one dough ball out of the fifteen he ordered.  

Later they watch a film together (a film that is far too pink and far too full of mermaids for Tobio's liking) and Tobio migrates back to Hinata's bed as he tucks in his sister and ensures that she's sleeping. It takes four minutes alone just to get her into the bathroom. When Hinata finally joins him on the bed (c'mon, not in that way, Tobio) Hinata looks tired. 

And Tobio wonders for a second if he'll say yes tonight. 

The question doesn't come up for a while as the pair watch more shit TV and finish off the left-over pizzas. Hinata yawns, a signal for Tobio to help him change his shirt into a loose red one and make sure he takes off his socks because last night he didn't and he was wearing the same socks when he came into school earlier that day and Tobio was a little disgusted. And then the question comes: "Are you gonna stay over tonight?" 

And Tobio debates the pros and cons of saying the 'yes' that he truly wants to say. Because all week his thoughts have been attacking each other like angry bees turning in on themselves. Because _all week_ he's been thinking about Hinata Shouyou.  

Hinata isn't his first crush, and he isn't his first love interest, but Tobio suffers a lot with his feelings this time, because somehow they're too real to be ignored, and they're too omniscient to be shrugged off. He struggles every day because he feels all of this intense... love... whenever he sees him. Desires to do stupid things like kiss his hair or hug him after they do a successful quick or to just whisper that he loves him when he gets antsy over a maths question overcome him every time Hinata invades his eyesight. And over the past few days it was getting really difficult. 

The little pumpkin kept smiling at him in ways he hadn't before, eyes twinkling a little more than usual. They touched more, and whenever they sat together their hips would touch. Hinata sits on the bench by the side of the gym every single practice, and Tobio swears that he only really watches him. And then there's this. 

This. 

The fact that Tobio's feet keep guiding him to this door every day after school (Hinata usually in step with him, sometimes a bit ahead, but never behind) is enough to give him something to think about, but the biggest problem is by far this one little question. Because it's another one of those little desires that he's developed; to have Hinata rest his curls on his chest.  

And he knows he's developed it because he has vibrant, perfect memories of Hinata sleeping on his shoulder on the way back from matches, every bump in the tarmac reverberating through both of them as though they were connected. Once, Hinata slept on his sofa after they'd been practicing till late, and Tobio had watched him breathing for too long.  

Maybe it was also because Hinata talks in his sleep. 

Well, he murmurs, really. Sweet nothings that never make sense, but every time he's sleeping Tobio tries to catch what he says. So far, he's never caught much that he could string together, but he always loves trying.  

So fuck. This question is hard. 

Tobio looks at Hinata, and those amber eyes blink closed for a split-second. His face is the picture of innocence. A little question with no real weight has just been asked, and he is just sitting, waiting.  

He adjusts his position, wincing a little as he twinges his collarbone through the sling. (It's still quite sensitive after seven days, and the pain killers usually begin to wear off by this time. It's quarter to midnight, so according to the medication timetable Hinata should be asleep by now anyway. Tobio didn't like the way that he was just expected to wake up in agonizing pain, but then again, Hinata was supporting himself with five pillows now - yes, five – so Tobio wasn't too concerned.)  

"No, I'll go home," Tobio answers at last, what feels like an eternity having passed between the two, when truly it had only been four seconds. Then Tobio watches as Shouyou bites his lip and grabs Tobio's wrist with his right hand – the only arm he can stretch out now. 

This is different. 

"Please, stay tonight," Hinata whispers, voice so soft and mellow that Tobio can't believe it's coming from the spiker. In that moment Hinata sounds lost, maybe a little confused, like he isn't in control of what he's saying. But then his grip tightens like he never wants to release Tobio from his grasp, and Tobio's index finger twitches.  

His head bobs down in a nod before he can stop it from doing so, and it's not long before Tobio's kicking off his shoes and settling down on top of the blanket. (Then settling down beneath said blanket when Hinata complains that he can't get comfy because the sheets are too taught.) The last thing Tobio sees before he falls asleep are those three peeling glow-in-the-dark stars, one of them fluttering down to rest on his nose as his eyes close for the last time that day.

* * *

 

At two in the morning, Tobio is woken up by his phone vibrating in his pocket. He takes it out and reads that it's a message from Hinata: _hey u up._ Weird? Tobio wrinkles his nose because there's something undeniably unusual about that message that he can't quite place. Then he hears a light breathing next to him, remembers that _he is in bed with Hinata_ , rolls over so that he's facing Hinata's side, and lightly slaps his shoulder.  

Later, he would learn that Hinata had forgotten that his setter was sleeping next to him, had sent the message about two minutes earlier, swiftly falling back asleep after having sent it. It had taken a while to come through because the signal was appalling that night due to atmospherics.  

Tobio would also learn that Hinata enjoyed clinging onto Tobio's clothes in his sleep, but the difference there was that he couldn't really blame that on atmospherics even if he wanted to.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Blame it on the Rain by He is We.


	10. Still Friendship Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> '...he never would have done that when he was a 'kid.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even spy satellites  
> Won't see this coming  
> Our love  
> That's hiding in the dark 
> 
> Reach out  
> I promise you  
> Then we'll be lovers  
> 'Cause it's our true colour

Tobio watches as Hinata slides his arm out of its sling and begins to clench and unclench his fingers. He flips to a new page in the guide book for today, scrunches his eyes together as he tries to work out the instructions, then sets about doing basic manoeuvres that make him wince a little. Tobio's getting used to the sight of Hinata wincing, and he never thought he would.

It has been two weeks now since Hinata's accident, and the pair are both growing restless already. The main issue was that Hinata felt broken. His heart lies in volleyball, and without the ability to play, something was most definitely deteriorating within Hinata that was more than just his physical health. Some night, Tobio would leave the room to tuck in Natsu and lock the doors to the house, and he'd come back into the room and tears would be just bubbling in Hinata's eyes. They hadn't over spilled (so far) and they never addressed the issue, but the pain was evident, and it made Tobio want to kill something.

Hinata had suggested the other day that just a little bit of dinking practice wouldn't hurt, and despite Tobio's complaints ("You'll twinge it, dumbass, it'll hurt worse.") Hinata had managed to convince him. And Tobio had been correct: it was made worse. Physio that night had been very painful for the shorter of the pair, and he'd gone to bed with a bloody lip after biting too hard to stop the pain.

Despite this, Hinata still attended every practice. He came to sit and watch, to help clear up, to learn from the coaches about different strategies the team were thinking of trying. He also came to hand out water with the managers, and to sit with Tobio as he practiced after the session was over, and to help Tobio pack up his kit as he was getting changed. Hinata never complained out loud about this shift in arrangements, but Tobio could see how much he was hurting and all he wanted to do was lessen it.

So, obviously, the pair had become inseparable. Literally, inseparable. Tobio left his house key on Hinata's bedside cabinet because he barely went home anymore. He'd all but moved out since his aunt left to go home a while ago. They slept in the same bed, ate the same food, went to all the same places; their schedules were identical. Tobio would never admit it, but he kind of likes it.

Hinata finishes off his physio, slips his arm back into his sling slowly, and sets off to go and get Natsu from school. He asks Tobio if he wants to accompany him, and Tobio shrugs but agrees, so they head off to the school. As they walk side by side, a soft breeze rustle the trees along the empty road, and leaves flutter against the contact. They walk so close that Tobio can feel Hinata's knuckles brush against his side, and with each brush a shiver threatens to cascade down Tobio's spine.

They arrive at the school early enough for them to sit on a bench and wait, the whole walk having been in silence. Tobio sits with his legs open, and he knits his fingers together, elbows on his knees, and supports his head on his fists. His eyes close against the evening light, and his mind is clear of everything and anything. No worries, no stresses, no anything anymore. Until a strange sensation ripples under his skin.

It is a light, delicate feeling, a pleasant one that Tobio never wants to be without. He opens his eyes, and he sees Hinata gazing at him, and he realises that the sensation that's making him feel so perfect is Hinata's fingers in his hair. He blushes furiously, and Hinata jerks his hand away. They both snap their heads down to stare at the floor, no-one saying anything for a few moments.

"There was fluff in your hair," Hinata snaps out, as though he'd only just realised what had happened. Tobio nods a little, still kind of dazed, and the pair go back to their silence. By this time, parents and other family members had started to arrive, and soon enough the kids started to pour out of the school building. Natsu was one of the last children out.

Hinata makes a move to go over to her, but twinges his arm and starts to wince, so Tobio glares at him to make him stay by the bench and goes over to Natsu himself. She skips to him and hugs at his legs as she does every day, then giggles some about the events of the day. Tobio listens with as much heart as he can muster, conscious of Hinata behind him, struggling, and even more conscious of the exchange that he had just experienced. He still couldn't get the memory of that sensation out of his mind.

It was a whole other feeling. Like, Hinata had touched him a thousand times before but this was something new; something ridiculous and experimental like a wave of fantastical change being pulled by desire. Tobio clenches and unclenches his fist as the trio set off for home, the breeze having picked up a little.  
  
A wave of boldness overcomes him, and he tentatively, but intentionally, flexes his fingers to brush against Hinata's. Hinata snaps his head to look at Tobio, grins so wide that his eyes disappear, and grabs a hold of his hand so tightly that Tobio wonders if there'll still be blood circulating to the tips of his fingers. And this. This is what makes so many things worth it.

His stomach does a flip and he supresses the urge to gag. When Natsu grabs hold of his other hand, shouting that 'it's not fair!' far too loudly for Tobio's liking, he finally feels part of something. Part of a pair when he looks to one side, part of a trio when his feet hit the floor in unison with the others'. Tobio thinks for a moment about if this is still friendship territory. Is hand-holding friendship? Or has he just crossed over a bridge that he'd been wanting to cross for weeks, maybe even longer?

Technically, it wasn't even he who had crossed the bridge.

It had been Hinata.

The realisation hits him square in the face. The realisation that Hinata had initiated this. He'd been the one to play with his hair; he'd been the one to grab his hand. He initiated all the touch - but is that because he isn't reading into it like Tobio is? Does Hinata think that this is normal friend stuff? God, Tobio's confused.

The sky darkens a little as they arrive home, an indicator that night is approaching. Tobio tunes into the conversation that's going on, and immediately regrets it when he hears about the plans.

"-and then ne-chan can read to me!" Natsu exclaims, swinging their linked hands to and fro, to and fro. Tobio rolls his eyes at Natsu's affectionate use of 'big sister' when referring to him, finding it a strange mixture of adorable and infuriating all at once.

"He's tired, Natsu, I'll read to you," Hinata says, leaning across Tobio's chest to bonk his sister on the forehead.

"It's fine." Tobio fishes about in his pocket for the key and unlocks the door, feeling the warm clammy hand of the young girl slip out of his as she runs away to her room, flicking on lights as she goes. The other Hinata looks at him carefully, then pokes at Tobio's eyes a little.

"Oi!"

"You're getting bags, Kageyama-kun, maybe you should go to sleep early tonight."  
   
"I'm not getting bags."  
  
"You sure? Because if those aren't bags then you must have got into a very pathetic fight," Hinata decides, eyebrows knitted in thought.

"Oi!" Tobio retaliates, punching Hinata's shoulder and striding to lock the door behind them.

Hinata snickers and goes to put the TV on. In a few moments, Tobio will go and make some rice and beef for dinner, or maybe he'll heat up the left-overs from yesterday? He'll cook and Natsu will appear to help him dish-up, then he'll try and get Hinata to go to sleep, but the boy will refuse, choosing instead to play games in his bedroom for a crazy amount of time or to watch reality TV until 1am. Natsu'll get tucked into bed and a story read to, maybe Tobio will even brush a kiss against her forehead today?

Then tomorrow, Hinata will wake him up by dropping something in the kitchen, or Natsu will wake him up by closing the door too loudly on her way out, or the sunlight will stream into his closed eyes and wake him up. Then there'll be morning practice, school, and the pair will walk home together. The cycle repeats.

Tobio can't help but pray for a change.

This isn't the Hinata Shouyou he knows, and this isn't the lifestyle that either of them deserve. He misses the days when they'd race one another everywhere; the days when he wouldn't be afraid to really go at Hinata if he'd pissed him off; the days when he'd hoist Hinata onto his shoulders to get down volleyballs that had got stuck ontop of gym equipment.

For him, it felt as though Hinata and himself had aged, and maybe that was why there were bags under his eyes now. He felt old, and he missed his youth.

But at the same time, he'd held hands with Hinata today, and he never would have done that when he was a 'kid.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys. How are you all? I haven't left an author's note in a while, but I have a little time today so I thought I would. 
> 
> I'm not too proud of this chapter, but I need to move the relationship along a little. The next chapter is going to have a pretty big time gap in it, I'm thinking about a month? The kids are gonna've changed a little, and I may put it in Hina's POV again. 
> 
> I mean, I TOTALLY have this whole story planned out... teehee... c:
> 
> I have some pretty good ideas for how I wanna end this, it's just a case of getting there.
> 
> Anyways, drop me some kudos, and leave a comment if you have any ideas or anything. My tumblr is kagehiney.tumblr.com, so drop by there if you'd like c: I'm thinking of upping my queue to post 20 times a day, so I'm fairly active at the moment.
> 
> Love you all <3 See you soon! 
> 
> Song is True Colours by Studio Killers


	11. At What Cost?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Their eyes don't meet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This separation,  
> time and space between us.  
> For some revelation,  
> You didn't care to discuss.  
> I'd rather be black and blue,  
> Than accept that you withdrew."

Tobio looks over at Hinata and watches as he chews slowly on some sort of pastry. From this side of the gym, he can't tell if it's sweet or savoury, but it's probably the latter. Well, it usually is. In fact, if it wasn't for pizza, Hinata would probably never eat anything other than savoury pastries. Especially recently.

Tobio lets out a soft sigh and switches his legs, stretching his tendons for his left leg and letting his right one rest. The air around him is cold, uncomfortably so, as it seems to always be now. His muscles ache for a good push - some exercise - but Tobio himself wants nothing more than to turn around, go home, snuggle up in bed and sleep. It's already dark outside and his tiredness is getting past a joke. It's been a long, hard day.

Tobio looks back at Hinata again, inadvertently trying to catch his eye.

But Hinata's looking at the ground, munching deliberately.

Their eyes don't meet.

It's a warm up, but Tobio's still cold as the team jog back and forth. Spot runs had never been his favourite, but Hinata likes them. Or at least, Tobio thinks Hinata likes them; he's changed a lot over the past month or so, and Tobio finds it difficult sometimes to remember who he was. 

He's weaker, maybe. Yes. Weaker seems like the right word. Fragile, delicate, and always hiding behind a mask of fakeness. Tobio sees it because he spends all of his time with him, but he suspects that the others don't. Yet, they still know something's wrong. Something worse than the injury itself.

The practice is long and gruelling, with very little legitimate play happening at all. They have spent as little time playing matches as possible in the last few weeks, and although Tobio hasn't ever been told directly, he knows that it is because of their spiker. The team is struggling - they _need_ practice matches - but none of them have the heart to do it to Hinata. Volleyball is all that that boy lives for, and to see him trying to live without it is heart-breaking enough for most of them - no need to make it worse by reminding Hinata exactly what he's missing.

"Besides, he'll have it off in a few days," Daichi had said earlier to Suga when he'd thought no-one was listening. "We can manage until then."

"But he won't be able to play the minute the sling comes off," Suga had replied. "He has to build up his strength again."

Which had led Tobio to think on a few things, and google a few things, and bite his lip over a few things. Over the past month or so, he and Hinata had often discussed how the when the sling comes off he'd be free again - free to play volleyball as though nothing had ever happened. But the truth of the matter is that that idea simply isn't realistic. How long will it take for Hinata's strength to return? For him to stop being weak?

It's hard to focus with all these thoughts swimming about without permission in Tobio's brain. His fingers are a little shaky in response, something that's come on in him over the last few weeks. He suspects it's linked to his flipping stomach but Tobio's not got the energy to care anymore.

What if Hinata can't play volleyball for months?

He carelessly tosses the ball coming his way for Asahi, barely paying attention. The toss is a little off, but he doesn't find it in himself to bother apologising.

Why hadn't he thought about recovery time before now? Why had he always simply assumed that the minute the sling came off, all of these problems would dissipate?

Practice continues like a never-ending story, until finally it's time to close the book. Tobio jogs over to Hinata who sends him a grin and passes him a water bottle. Tobio shivers a little and gulps down some of the water. They've finished early (as is the norm recently) but Hinata doesn't seem to notice. He scrunches up the wrapper from something or other that he's been eating and pops it in the paper bag his pastry had come in. Tobio holds out a hand to take it from him and pockets it.

"Your tosses were meh today," Hinata comments as he follows Tobio to the changing room. Tobio ignores him and goes to shoulder his bag, choosing not to get changed back into his uniform.

Tobio scrunches up his eyebrows as he walks out of the gym, shoving his fists into his pockets and trying desperately to ignore the idea of Hinata crying in his room in five weeks time, cradling his arm. He looks a little overweight, and his eyes aren't as bright. He's been reading, knuckling down on his studies more because his dream of becoming the ace just doesn't seem possible. Tobio's not there; he's at the gym, probably, playing a practice match against some team who'd come to play Karasuno without Hinata as a spiker. Karasuno are wistless - they lose. 

That reality makes Tobio genuinely scared, and he's glad to be snapped out of it by Hinata.

"Oi, are you listening?"

"No," Tobio replies, honestly. Hinata huffs. Tobio considers asking Hinata to repeat himself, but he doesn't. There's little need for conversation between them anymore, and Tobio currently has little interest in it. He's tired, and he thinks that his spiker knows it because Hinata gently links their fingers and they walk in slow, contemplative silence.

This has become normal. Both the hand holding, and the silence.

It's not that silence is uncomfortable - quite the contrary - but it concerns Tobio a little because it's unnatural. He clutches Hinata's hand a little tighter, because this is what they have now. There's fewer words, so it's all gestures. It's all actions. He clutches at his hand in the same way that he used to snap at him or chide him. It all means the same.

Tobio feels his stomach flip violently, as it seems to do a lot. Apparently putting a name to the problem hadn't scared it away and about a week ago he'd bought more paracetamol tablets in a vain hope to stop the flips. But in the end he'd never taken any, because he knows that they don't really work. But still, he finds himself being physically sick some mornings, but that has only been a couple of times. He considered seeing a doctor, because maybe he's misdiagnosed himself, but he can't worry Hinata. And anyways, it's Hinata who he really needs to worried about.

With every day that passes, a little more of him peels away. Tobio can see it.

He doesn't throw himself about as carelessly as he used to, and everything he does is considered and deliberate. He hangs off of Tobio like a sloth hanging off of a branch, so he barely goes anywhere alone. To Tobio it's like his confidence, his sunshine, his flare is just dimming with every day, and that's why Tobio's bored of this now.

He's so fucking bored of sleeping over at Hinata's and hearing him sobbing quietly in the middle of the night. He's bored of walking Hinata to school and having to walk so slowly they're almost going backwards even though they're both buzzing for a run. He's bored of being a carer, and he's bored of watching Hinata deteriorate. He supposes it's a punishment for how horrible he's been, like someone raiding the castle he'd built around himself and ripping away his clothes.

And it's so unfair because he has the closeness he'd craved but at the cost of losing the Hinata he loves. And don't misinterpret this - he still loves the _bones_ off of Hinata, but this is not the same.

If he could do anything to speed up this purgatory period, he would. But he has to wait and watch and wonder, a witness and an outsider. All he can be is supportive, but it's easier to be an anchor to a ship than it is to be an anchor to a wreckage.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there angels. Listen. I am so excited for this. So. Excited.
> 
> By the way; follow me on tumblr for updates! I'm www.kagehiney.tumblr.com - see you there!
> 
> Song is The Quiet by Troye Sivan c;


	12. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If that dumbass can fix himself up, so can I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All you want is someone onto whom you can cling  
> Your mother warned of strangers and the dangers they may bring  
> Your dreams and memories are blurring into one  
> The seams which hold the waking world have slowly come undone

Slick sweat causes Tobio's thick, heavy hair to stick defiantly to his forehead. He feels like death, and he shouldn't. After being violently ill in the bathroom, he'd tried to take a shower. The water scalded his back so much that he thought his skin would melt, and then he clicked the dial all the way to the left to make himself shiver under the cold stream. He enjoys cold showers. He enjoys the way that he has to move in response to the water, how it's not comforting at all, but empowers him.

Unfortunately, no empowering sensation is rushing through him now, and he's actually considering going back to see if there was anything else left to retch up. In the end, he decides to ignore that impulse and just rolls over in bed instead,  tiny beads of sweat now dropping into his eyelashes _. Gross._

It's strange to be alone, but Hinata had refused to let him come to the hospital with him. It has been only two days since Hinata's cast had come off and Tobio had gazed at that patch of skin again. It wasn't swollen or blotchy, but it was incredibly white from the lack of exposure. He and Hinata had prodded a bit at it in turn, and for the most part things had gone well.

_It won't be long now._

Tobio checks his phone, expecting a message from someone _\- anyone._ He feels his stomach flip a moment too late, and ends up spending the next hour of his life changing bed sheets and showering. He doesn't return to bed because Natsu finds him, and he is forced to entertain her with books and dolls and all sorts. He doesn't want to look weak to her, and it _is_ only five in the afternoon.

Natsu has become someone special to him. He found both her sweet mannerisms and irritating ones endearing, and he doesn't mind spending time with her. He likes to think that he is someone she can turn to if needs be, like another brother almost. So, all this considered, when Tobio slumps back to the room after having an intense colouring session, he finds he can't be angry or annoyed.

Hinata comes back from his appointment half an hour earlier than Tobio had expected. He smiles at the setter, grabs some lemonade from the fridge, then snuggles up next to him on the sofa. The contact is all over, a friction adding to the heat that Tobio already feels. But he doesn't mind this, because Hinata's here with him, touching him, being with him, in a whole different way. Tobio feels like Hinata's carrying a different aura with him now. His smile seems more genuine. His body language is more open and confident. Tobio allows himself to relax a little.

He had been worried about Hinata.

He had been so worried about Hinata. The other boy had been becoming slow, dependant, quiet and deliberate - all brashness gone from his demeanour.  Somehow, though, he seems to be getting better than before. Like his mental state is improving? Pft. Tobio doesn't know much about this stuff.

He does know, however, that Hinata seems somewhat more satisfied with life these past few days. He seems lighter, a little more sloppy. Rougher round the edges. In these last few days Tobio thinks more about how fortunate he is to be able to spend as much time as he desires with this guy. As irritating, loud, boisterous and clumsy as he can be, the setter can't deny that Hinata draws people to him, and, consequentially, he has drawn Tobio to him like a moth to a flame. Having Hinata with him from day to day is a blessing and a curse, but today it just feels like a blessing.

Tobio wants to kiss him.

And to hold him and somehow fix him up everywhere with just kisses and love.

_Ew._

"You're all clammy," Hinata says suddenly, catching Tobio's attention. _You noticed that, dumbass?_ He looks down at the boy on his chest, and simply nods in response. When Hinata realises that that nod is the only response he's going to get, he presses on, "You ill?"

A flash of deja vu hits Tobio like a blaring torch to the face at 2am, and he rubs a tiny circle into Hinata's thigh. "No."

"Liar." There's a short pause. "Take something," Hinata encourages, pressing a hand to Tobio's brow and wrinkling his nose a little.

"I'm fine. Trust me on this," Tobio mutters, gently detaching Hinata's hand and returning it to him.

Hinata shoots him a dubious look but doesn't say anything. They remain this way for a long time, just enjoying the closeness and struggling their own struggles. Tobio's mind is awash with white thoughts foreshadowed by grey, as though his subconscious is trying to tell him that the worst is not over. However, the present is just too sweet for him to ignore, and despite his unsettled mind and body, Tobio allows himself to indulge in the moment. It's a soft kind of day. The weather's light and gentle, the house is quiet and everything feels okay. In these conditions, the pair struggle to keep their eyes open. There's a lot that Tobio wants to say. He wonders blearily if Hinata would laugh or cry if he told him that he loved him. That revelation that he stumbled across so long ago is now at the front of his mind, flashing like the neon light of a club in the street. Thoughts like this come to him when he's not mentally together enough to defend himself, but this time the wonderings are so innocent that Tobio finds they don't ruin this moment. If anything, trying to predict Hinata has always been fun. Like a riddle.

When Hinata falls asleep, Tobio gently kisses his upper lip in such a way that he doesn't quite touch it. Moments of pondering and lazy afternoons can amount to this in films and books, but Tobio finds himself euphoric in the knowledge that he's brought fantasy to life. It's light, airy, and not a real kiss, but the setter is so proud that heat causes his cheeks to flush, and he knows that he's discoloured. New wonderings of whether he can count that as his first kiss or not flood his mind. At some point in the eternal debate, he drifts to sleep with the ebb and flow of Hinata's soft snores, plunging into a deep, restful sleep to make up for his disrupted night's rest. 

* * *

It's weeks before Hinata plays confidently again, but when he does it's as though a switch has been flicked. Tobio always knew that volleyball was the key to Hinata's heart. It had the capacity to change his entire mood, perspective and drive. His plans all evolved around volleyball, all his proudest moments were nested inside volleyball, and his closest friends had all been formed because of volleyball. Tobio knows this, so it's an unadulterated delight to him when he sees the spiker's face light up with the power of every sun beam, those pumpkin irises practically glistening with ecstasy. His kit glows too, newly-washed and smelling slightly of lavender and cinnamon, hugging him enough to show how Hinata's managed to keep himself in shape but lose enough to allow him to move. Tobio allows himself a smile, aware of how out of character it is, and watches as his team all welcome Hinata back with open arms. There's a small party on the courts, a pause in the routine, and Tobio realises how much he loves breaks now. They always mean something brilliant.

The team play together for what feels like the first time in a long, long eternity. They play well, in sync like cogs in a grandfather clock. Instinct begins to overcome the players again, arms and legs moving in tandem with the others. It's an incredible thing to be a part of once more. 

Hinata's shoulder doesn't belay him once and he manages some good blocks. Tobio watches for winces and grimaces constantly, keeping the spiker in his peripheral vision. His play isn't nearly as strong as before, but Hinata's definitely fighting a promising fight. If he carries on like this, it'll only take a few practices until the pair can get back to their old standard. Tobio wants to kiss him.

Tobio's proud, and anticipation tickles at his spine as he thinks ahead to the next few weeks. He's confident that Hinata's okay - he's mending - and a weight listf itself from his shoulders. He moves back into his own house unofficially that same day, lounging about for far too long. He's at ease in his own space, and he feels a massive high when he remembers that he's here because Hinata's doing fine. He's doing okay. He's going to be okay. Things are looking up for both of them. 

On a whim, Tobio throws out every pack of paracetamol he has, tying the bag four times. _If that dumbass can fix himself up, so can I._ He calls Hinata and they game for a bit, but he leaves when Hinata adds Kenma into the game because he respects that friendship. (It's been a long time since they gamed together, but he knows that Kenma is a special person in Hinata's life, so he logs himself out spontaneously. Hianta rings him and grills him over his reasons for leaving, but Tobio just says 'I'm tired' and hangs up.) Tobio carries on playing his RPGs until well into the following morning, though, only managing to get about five hours of sleep that night. He doesn't care though. This all feels so normal. Tobio has never respected the norm so much as he does right now.

* * *

 

Tobio was right about the quick - it only took three sessions before they attempted it and succeeded. Hinata yells so loudly that birds outside fly from their trees in fear. He punches the air, jumps up and down, and starts using ridiculous onomatopoeias to describe the feeling to Nishinoya, Tanaka, Tobio and Tsukishima - the people nearest to him. Tobio wants to kiss him.

The need he has to kiss Hinata has been festering inside him since he'd kissed him on the sofa that one afternoon weeks ago.  It's overwhelming. He wants to taste Hinata's happiness on his lips, to get electric shocks from the amount of energy rushing through him now. He hasn't decided whether he'd kiss him softly or roughly; it's not easy to decide. It's hard to imagine that only a few weeks ago Hinata was quiet and subdued, crying himself to sleep. This change - no, this rectification - makes Tobio giddy with pleasure, and he has an overwhelming need to place the cherry atop his 'I'm-so-proud-of-Hinata' cake.

With an impressive display of mental strength, Tobio manages to supress these emotions inside himself, his expression an unwavering blankness. Somehow, this feels like the wrong moment. Yeah. That'swhat he'll tell himself. It's not that he's afraid of rejection or that public displays of affection unnerve him - not at all!

Hinata turns to look at Tobio but he manages to avoid catching his eye, luckily. Tobio's mind is all messed up again, and he's getting so confused. His stomach is flipping like a performing dolphin at an aquarium, and be finds himself choking on gags. Quickly and silently, he escapes from the gym and seeks out the nearest bathroom, proceeding to be sick into one of the toilets. This is getting ridiculous. Why can't he keep his own emotions in check? Memories of that day so long ago when he was sick on Hinata rush to mind, taunting him and forcing him to remember that embarrassment, anger and sadness that had kept him estranged from his dearest friend all day. He's sick again, more harshly this time, and some tears slip from his eyes without him noticing.

This sickness is a burden heavier than most. Whenever Tobio feels anything too strongly, he suffers. Love, regret, nostalgia, pride - any emotion brought on by Hinata and felt in large intensities has the potential to destroy him. Head now leaning against the cream wall of the toilet cubicle, he flushes the toilet without looking, wipes his mouth and eyes with the back of his hand, and thinks about how much he wants this to end. He doesn't cry, though. As much as he feels he wants to, he doesn't cry. He just sits still and focuses on breathing for god knows how long, until he hears his name being softly called to him from near the sinks.

It's Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah would you look at that! I've completely changed the focus of the fic right back round to Tobihoe :o
> 
> Song is Sleepsong by Bastille. Tumblr: kagehiney
> 
> See you soon, blossoms ~


	13. Boyfriends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You... you kissed me on the sofa the other afternoon. I just thought..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've waited so damn long, we're sick and tired  
> I won't leave any doubt or stone unturned  
> I've got a collar full of chemistry from your company  
> So maybe tonight I'll be the libertine
> 
> Oh show me your love, (your love), your love, (your love)  
> Gimme more but it's not enough (your love)  
> Show me your love, (your love), your love, (your love)  
> Before the world catches up (your love)

"Kageyama?"

It's soft, the way Hinata says his name, and he can't ignore it. Besides, the water system's gurgling is letting him down in his goal to hide and avoid everyone for as long as possible. So Tobio gingerly stands and unlocks the door, but he doesn't try to walk for fear of his knees betraying him. But, sure enough, the door squeaks open and a familiar little ginger peaks round the door.

"Hey... what are you doing in here?" he asks quietly. It's a question that they both know the answer to, but neither truly want to address. Tobio feels his resolve to hide this from Hinata shriveling. They've already been through so much, he thinks, what's this to add?

But then he remembers why he never shared it in the first place: Tobio's problems are Tobio's problems. He can't burden Hinata with them now. Because... because he loves Hinata, and as someone who loves him, it's Tobio's duty to protect him. God, this whole thing is hard to get used to...

"Tell me, I don't mind."

And it honestly seems like he doesn't. Hinata looks ready to sit cross-legged on the disgusting toilet floor, hold Tobio's hand and discuss his habit to throw up whenever he feels anything too passionately when it comes to Hinata. He looks ready to hold him tight and rock him back and forth as he cries like a baby about how hard it's been for him all these months to watch the guy he loves tumble into disarray. But that's not Hinata's role, so none of that matters.

"I was sick," Tobio said, simply. He doesn't say that it's because he's full of regret for all of the times he's upset Hinata, all of the times he's caused him pain. He definitely doesn't say that it's because he's in love with him, or because he just wants to kiss him and claim him and love him as a partner. "Must be something I ate."

"You haven't eaten today," Hinata reminds, steadily raising an eyebrow and simultaneously locking the cubicle door. Oh shit.

He presses his back against the wobbling wall of the cubicle and looks down at Tobio with a wide-eyed gaze. He's slightly sweaty from practice, and he's a little pale from the exhaustion that it's caused him. He's still not entirely used to all of the physical strain on his body after so long out of action, but it's not too bad.

Tobio looks away from his gaze.

"So... it's not because of something you ate. Don't lie. I... I thought we were past lying."

'We'? It feels strange to hear Hinata come out with meaningful things. It's almost like it's not that bouncy, idiotic spiker speaking at all. Like he's been possessed by someone else. But Tobio listens all the same.

"Okay," he finally says after a long silence. "Maybe it's not."

Tobio isn't sure how to continue. Should he just tell him? But then all of this suffering to protect Hinata from this would have been for nothing! Besides, right now on the floor of the school gym's toilet doesn't seem like the right time or place. But maybe it is time. Maybe, just maybe, if Hinata understood then he could help. Help to fix him up properly.

Ideally, this isn't how Tobio had pictured this situation would resolve itself. He'd realized long ago that the main cause of this sickness was his body's rejection of the idea of loving Hinata. It had been a defense mechanism to protect himself from getting tangled up in emotional trauma. Making friends had been taxing enough, and he knows how turning friendships into relationships can go: you can lose a good friend by loving them too much, and Hinata is the only friend he has.

But, he'd made up his mind after that soft brush of lips: he was going to confess his love to Hinata.

That should have solved the problem. They wouldn't be in this situation now if Tobio had simply said what he'd thought a long time ago. Is now the time for that confession? Pft, probably not. Lord knows it's not the right place.

Hinata nudges him with his foot. "Oi."

"I think I'm ill," Tobio says. Surprisingly, there's a sigh from Hinata as he slumps down to the floor, mimicing Tobio's position. They're opposite each other now, and their knees are leaning against one another's. Hinata's warm skin heats up the coolness in Tobio that he hadn't even realized he was feeling. Despite the closeness, Tobio still didn't look up.

"Have you gone to the doctor? I could take you," Hinata responds, voice so soft Tobio almost didn't hear him. "I mean, only if you like."

"It's okay."

"Because I am here, y'know. As much of an idiot as you are, I don't mind being here for you sometimes." Hinata smiles. Tobio knows because he can hear it in his words as Hinata speaks. (That smile can be heard anywhere. It's more of a thing that you sense than see. )

Tobio isn't sure how to respond.

'Oh cheers, that's really cool considering the fact that I'm in love with you so that'll really help if the relationship I have pictured for us is going to work out' seems like an option that wouldn't be advisable, but no other words were coming to him. Overwhelming love was causing his head to spin a bit, and he feels his breaths becoming shorter.

Oh God, he thinks, a moment short of quickly kealing over the toilet seat to be sick again. Fuck!

As he's coughing, he feels a hand rub his back, and gentle shushing coming from the guy behind him. His throat feels raw, and right now his need to cry returns with a vengeance. All he wants to do is cry. What did he do wrong in a past life to deserve this torture? Why can't he just be a normal, average guy with normal, average problems and normal, average needs?

Tears prick at his eyes, much to his annoyance, as he flushes the toilet again and tunes in to what Hinata is saying: "...ay okay okay. It's alright. Shhh."

Kageyama wipes his mouth again, although there's nothing to wipe up, and slumps back against the wall. Hinata moves to sit next to him and grips his hand tightly between them. Their interlaced fingers are a familiar comfort, and Tobio closes his eyes.

"It's okay, I'm here," Hinata continues, talking in a tone that Tobio hears him use when he's reassuring his little sister about a lost toy or a bump on the head. He doesn't say anything though, because somehow this is comforting.

It takes a few moments for Tobio to calm back down and steady his breathing, as he is used to, but the overwhelming embarrassment he feels and the shame is crippling on a whole new, strange and surreal level. Hinata had seen him being sick. He'd seen it, smelt it, witnessed the whole thing and... and... and he was still here.... he was still here after all that, gripping his hand tightly and warming his cold body with his natural warmth. God, Tobio loves him.

"I want to go home," Tobio finally says, talking over Hinata's inane reassurance.

"Sure you do."

Hinata helps him to stand and supports him as they walk outside of the gym, leaving him against the brick wall in the warm evening air with a promise of 'I'll just get our stuff and explain that it's getting a bit much for me, so we're going home, okay?'

Tobio finds that being without Hinata is a little hard in those few moments. Despite his embarrassment, he feels like as a support he needs the little guy. Weak and a little dizzy, he waits for his 'crush' to return anxiously, nervous about what he's going to say when he comes back.

Today has been a strange day, he thinks. The joy and incredible excitement over seeing Hinata finally flourish on the court, in touch with his passion after so long, and now this: this agonizing embarrassment and the feeling of being uncomfortable in his own skin as he waits.

It feels like hours before Hinata returns, but he knows it's only been a few seconds.

The pair walk in silence, a few uncomfortable paces apart. Tobio thinks about bridging the gap and locking their fingers together, but he can't. Nerves hold him back like ropes.

When Tobio's house enters view, Hinata speaks up. "I'll book an appointment for you with the doctor in town. We can go tomorrow after school. I know you've been sick for a while, and I'm okay to help."

"Why?" Tobio finds himself asking. "Why do you want to help me?"

"Because..." Hinata looks away, and the pair come to a stop.

Tobio's tired, and he just wants to sleep, but now his curiosity is piqued. It's out of character for Hinata to actually consider his words and stumble over them. What's he talking about, anyway? Why is he being so open? Didn't he disgust Hinata? Didn't he make the spiker want to turn tail and run? "Why?"

"Because that's what boyfriends do, Tobio!"

...What?

The world stops around them. The bugs stop making noises, and the breeze stops blowing. Tobio's mouth is suddenly dry, it hurts to swallow and no words form in his throat.

They're still for a while, until Hinata slowly looks up, offering a smile. Tobio wants to return it, but his face is frozen.

He's so confused.

Boyfriends? When did that become a thing?! Surely he would have realised if that had become a thing. God, he would have been bouncing off the fucking walls if he was aware that this had been a thing. So, obviously this isn't a pre-established thing that had simply passed him by.

But then, what is it? Is this-

No.

Is this... Hinata asking him out?

Impossible! Hinata couldn't like him like that, he just couldn't! He liked girls, anyway. He wasn't into guys at all. He'd never given any hints of it, at least. And if he did (in the unlikely case that he did) like Tobio, then surely he wouldn't have chosen to announce it after watching him throw up and then escorting him home in awkward silence?

Tobio couldn't understand it. The whole world just will not stop spinning. Boyfriends boyfriends boyfriends boyfriends.

Maybe he'd simply misheard?

It takes a few moments before Tobio regains control of his voice.

"Sorry, wha-"

Tobio is broken off by a kiss. A full on, full fledged, unrestrained kiss on the lips. Alarm bells went on in his brain like fireworks. He is kissing Hinata right now. Hinata is kissing him. Hinata's lips are currently on his own lips and they both conscious and consenting and it's strange and brilliant and also somewhat amazing and Tobio doesn't want it to end but the fireworks are so loud and he can't think straight anymore so maybe he should brea it off because he can't really breathe anymore but this is all he wants and this is all he's dreamt of for such a long time but he doesn't understand how this is happening.

They finally break away from the soft, still kiss that had only been a few seconds though t had felt like much more to Tobio. He quickly shakes his head.

"No," he says. "No. I don't understand."

"What?" Hinata says, seemingly just as confused.

"Boyfriends? We're not – when were we – how did," Tobio pauses for breath and gathers his thoughts. "We're not dating, are we?"

"I thought..." Hinata looks vacant. His expression is unreadable and his eyebrows are furrowed in a way that makes Tobio wonder whether he just imagined that whole kiss. "I thought we were. I mean, we hold hands and kiss and stuff."

"We don't kiss?"

His mind is reeling. When did they kiss? What the fuck is going on?!

"You... you kissed me on the sofa the other afternoon. I just thought..." Hinata trails off, flushing bright red as he realizes something that Tobio can't imagine. "Oh God. We were never together? But I rang my mum and everything."

"What?!" Tobio is now thoroughly confused. "Don't you think that if we were dating I would have known about it? Don't you think we would have gone to the movies and gone to the city and done more romantic crap by now? God, you are such a dumbass!" Tobio snarled a little at the end of this.

What the fuck is going on?! Dating? Boyfriends? He would have been fucking aware if he were dating Hinata, that's for sure!

Tobio watches as his companion's face of confusion merges into one of happiness. He beams like a sun ray.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask me on a date," he sing-songs, seemingly finding the whole situation quite hilarious.

The smile on his face is a picture of nostalgia. It's as wide as it was the day they won their most recent match all of those months ago, and as genuine as when he shone on the court only a few hours ago. Tobio realizes then that the love he feels for this overgrown, pumpkin-haired toddler is like no other.

He looks back on the past few months and sees how he could have interpreted that to mean being together: they spent all their time together, supported one another, ate and drank together – Tobio even did Hinata's fucking laundry! They had gotten so close, and maybe he just hadn't realised that Hinata had noticed their closeness too.

Suddenly, a thought hits him as he revises what Hinata had said.

"Wait – you were awake?!"

"Oh, when you kissed me? Of course!" Hinata laughed, a full, real laugh and Tobio found himself smiling very very slightly too. This couldn't be real, it had to be a dream, but all the same Tobio found himself leaning down to kiss him again. And then again they kissed, and then once more.

It was strange, and it just must have been a hallucination caused by the fever he had, but it was a very realistic fever.

* * *

 

That night Tobio sleeps at Hinata's house, and they stay up late just talking and talking. Tobio asks Hinata out officially, and the pair become a true couple, although they find that having the label really changes very little (well, apart from the fact that they kiss a whole lot more).

The doctor diagnoses Tobio with a bug which had lasted a ridiculously long time, almost long enough for him to believe that Tobio had actually had two different bugs directly after one another, and prescribes him with a few pills that solve the issue perfectly.

Tobio and Hinata go on their first date a week later to the cinema (but it isn't really a date because Natsu comes too, gushing over sweet popcorn and getting sugar all over Tobio's genes and he spoils her with strawberry laces), and Tobio introduces himself to Hinata's mother over Skype. In turn, Hinata and Tobio also call Tobio's Aunt Yui, and both boys are surprised when she starts crying and then arrived at Tobio's house the following morning for an indefinite stay.

The team aren't surprised to hear that they are together. In fact, like Hinata, they had already believed they were together.

Overall, life just continues to get better for Tobio. He loves his boyfriend, he loves his team, and he loves his life.

Honestly, so many misunderstandings over the past months had eventually made some incredible things happen, and Tobio is so strangely grateful.

He realizes one evening when he's lying in bed, just having exited a game with Hinata and Kenma and catching an early night, that he'd do it all again in a heartbeat. All of it. The walks along the beach, the being sick on Hinata, the broken collarbone and all the pain that had caused them all, the sickness he'd endured, and the roller coaster of emotions. Yes. Yes, he'd do it all just to make it to this point all over again, because falling in love really isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is, and sometimes you can't just take a paracetamol and ignore the feelings in your gut, you have to go out there and address them, and some amazing things can come from that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end then. 
> 
> Woah.
> 
> Guys, this has been increidble. I don't have much to say about it, apart from the fact that it's picked me up when I'm sad and made some of my good days better. I love you guys very much, and I love these characters and this story.
> 
> Thank you so much for every kudos, comment and every single read. I appreciate you all so much and without you, I never would have finished this.
> 
> So thank you.
> 
> I love you.
> 
> Good night, my angels. This is officially NL08 signing off from this story. 
> 
> xxxxx
> 
> (P.S Song is Collar Full by Panic! At The Disco)
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> (P.P.S Sequel one-shot, anyone? c;)


End file.
